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It's amazing what 12 hours, in which lots of people should be asleep, can bring.
I do not have a sister.
Thanks guys for the help. I've passed along the information to my mother. Everybody in my family can do what they want now, because I don't give a damn. No matter how much I talk about tough love and actually confronting her instead of capitulating, they are going the "gentle" route again.
(On one hand, I can understand needing to be 'nice' in order to locate her and make contact - since she's using her Yahoo account to connect with my parents already. On the other hand, when they're planning 'nice' but firm for everything *after* they locate her...I have a problem. They've tried that many times. It has never worked.)
So I'm done. My sister has her "it's all about me and I hurt no one but myself so everyone should just leave it alone" mentality (which was also her mentality when she got arrested for 11 counts of felong embezzlement...except it was all my mother's fault). I will not condone it or take part in any methods of encouraging it. She emailed my mom last night being all cloying and "sincere" and of course blaming her husband for everything.
And she stated that the family beach trip we're supposed to all take Mother's Day weekend? She still wants to go.
I delivered my ultimatum this morning, because my mother, in three conversations between last night and this morning, still missed an important fact: if Katie goes on that beach trip, I don't. It's her or me. I've had to play nice because of family situations. Heather can't be combative because Katie wants to come to family functions and be all sweet and nice! Fuck that shit. I hate to do this to the family, but until she gets the help she needs (and my family faces reality, which is the fact that her issues are divisive to the family), they have to choose. It's as much about making my parents get help with their issues with Katie as it is with getting Katie help.
Early indications are that it's a no brainer that I'd be the one going to the beach. (If my mom had been wishy washy in any way, I'd probably have hung up on her.)
By no means are Katie's marital issues all her own. My BIL has some too. His, though, are because of the environment he was raised in. I've met his mother. There's a reason the bridesmaids at my sister's wedding were about to stage a bloody coup to take her down. (And if you think that's a joke...sadly, it's not. His sister was a bridesmaid. She was the one we were trying to protect. It almost got bloody.) His family communicates by screaming. Not healthy. So that's how he communicates when he's mad. The kicker though is that that's exactly how my sister communicates when she's mad too. In our family, though, the only person who'd scream back was me (and that took me getting really mad). Which is why, when she does stupid crap or runs off or gets in trouble, she cuts herself off from me completely. I'm the voice of reason who doesn't take her crap. And she can't blame anything on me because no one would believe her.
She's also in her Grand Plan stage again. When she's unhappy with her life she makes radical changes designed to make her life better. This inevitably includes some kind of schooling and a new job. The key is that she never finishes what she starts. If she doesn't get immediate fantastic satisfaction, then it leads to unhappiness again. This is partially why she insists on competing in beauty pageants still, even though she has only won one in 8 years.
Anyway, I've done the crying this morning. I'm feeling calmer now, because this helps me (the venting).
I do not have a sister.
Thanks guys for the help. I've passed along the information to my mother. Everybody in my family can do what they want now, because I don't give a damn. No matter how much I talk about tough love and actually confronting her instead of capitulating, they are going the "gentle" route again.
(On one hand, I can understand needing to be 'nice' in order to locate her and make contact - since she's using her Yahoo account to connect with my parents already. On the other hand, when they're planning 'nice' but firm for everything *after* they locate her...I have a problem. They've tried that many times. It has never worked.)
So I'm done. My sister has her "it's all about me and I hurt no one but myself so everyone should just leave it alone" mentality (which was also her mentality when she got arrested for 11 counts of felong embezzlement...except it was all my mother's fault). I will not condone it or take part in any methods of encouraging it. She emailed my mom last night being all cloying and "sincere" and of course blaming her husband for everything.
And she stated that the family beach trip we're supposed to all take Mother's Day weekend? She still wants to go.
I delivered my ultimatum this morning, because my mother, in three conversations between last night and this morning, still missed an important fact: if Katie goes on that beach trip, I don't. It's her or me. I've had to play nice because of family situations. Heather can't be combative because Katie wants to come to family functions and be all sweet and nice! Fuck that shit. I hate to do this to the family, but until she gets the help she needs (and my family faces reality, which is the fact that her issues are divisive to the family), they have to choose. It's as much about making my parents get help with their issues with Katie as it is with getting Katie help.
Early indications are that it's a no brainer that I'd be the one going to the beach. (If my mom had been wishy washy in any way, I'd probably have hung up on her.)
By no means are Katie's marital issues all her own. My BIL has some too. His, though, are because of the environment he was raised in. I've met his mother. There's a reason the bridesmaids at my sister's wedding were about to stage a bloody coup to take her down. (And if you think that's a joke...sadly, it's not. His sister was a bridesmaid. She was the one we were trying to protect. It almost got bloody.) His family communicates by screaming. Not healthy. So that's how he communicates when he's mad. The kicker though is that that's exactly how my sister communicates when she's mad too. In our family, though, the only person who'd scream back was me (and that took me getting really mad). Which is why, when she does stupid crap or runs off or gets in trouble, she cuts herself off from me completely. I'm the voice of reason who doesn't take her crap. And she can't blame anything on me because no one would believe her.
She's also in her Grand Plan stage again. When she's unhappy with her life she makes radical changes designed to make her life better. This inevitably includes some kind of schooling and a new job. The key is that she never finishes what she starts. If she doesn't get immediate fantastic satisfaction, then it leads to unhappiness again. This is partially why she insists on competing in beauty pageants still, even though she has only won one in 8 years.
Anyway, I've done the crying this morning. I'm feeling calmer now, because this helps me (the venting).
