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Because sometimes you really want to hug that snarky Brit (and I mean Simon Cowell, not Spears).

We (the American Idol judges) have decided we can bring Britney back," the normally caustic Cowell confirmed. "We are serious. We plan to buy her underpants, get her bigger shorts to perform in and get her away from her stupid friends."

Pardon me while I die laughing now.

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Also, it's really fun to tell a boss that not only did someone lose the $80 freaking wireless laser pointing mouse, but now the digital camera is dead.

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NASCAR on Letterman: The Top 12

12. Clint Bowyer: "We've got special mirrors that show objects the size that they actually are."
11. Kevin Harvick: "Sometimes back in the garages there's horseplay with the airhose."
10. Jeff Burton: "Between the G-forces and the fumes, I'm loopy most of the season."
9. Kyle Busch: "Switch the 'R' and the 'C' in 'Racing' and you get 'Caring.'"
8. Matt Kenseth: "Can hold 8 gigs of music on my new iHelmet."
7. Martin Truex, Jr.: "In a pinch, checkered flags make a lovely tablecloth."
6. Denny Hamlin: "Two more wins and I get to marry Ashley Judd."
5. Kurt Busch: "You can talk to your car and pretend you're David Hasselhoff."
4. Carl Edwards: "How many people can say their "office" goes 200 miles per hour."
3. Tony Stewart: "Driving fast and starting fights."
2. Jeff Gordon: "It's not one of those sports you have to inject stuff in your ass to be good."
1. Jimmie Johnson: "Unlike most guys, I like it when my wife says, 'You're too fast.'"


You know, number 1 and number 9 are repeats from last year. I'm guessing either Letterman ran out of creativity or he wasn't told about the 12 early enough and just went with what worked.

I quite loved Kevin's line, especially with the evil smirk; Truex's for the fact he got called Martha Stewart; Denny's for the fact that it's extremely timely; Kurt's for the fact that he mentions Knight Rider (in a round about way); and Gordon's for the fact that this is why our sport owns stick and ball sports at times.

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Interview with Kenseth in USA Today

I really wish YouTube had been around at the time, because I never got to see the fashion show with NASCAR drivers. Just the idea of Kenseth in a beanie is hysterical.