Conspiracy!

It's a conspiracy.

I have PMS. The PMS stage I'm at is the one where, just by looking at me wrong, I want to rip someone's head off. Today, everyone who has pissed me off has been male. (This is not to say every male I've come in contact with has pissed me off. It's just that there have been very few women who have called here, and the women in the office have generally been good. And the two women who came close to pissing me off quickly remedied the problem.)

I have had guys trying to be sneaky and circumvent me as the secretary.

I have had men be condescending on the phone.

I had one idiot not *listen* to the company greeting and therefore make a massive ass out of himself, all because he had no clue that *gasp* the Executive Vice President doesn't answer her own phone. (Never mind that NO ONE HERE answers their own phones, because our system does not have direct lines and has not had direct lines in 30 YEARS. Or that of the two names in the company name, the EVP's name is second, the President's name is first and has been for 30 YEARS.)

You know, every single one of the preceeding paragraphs starts with "I". LOL

And if one more person calls here and says "I'll just try back later", I'm going to respond "Don't. Because I just may hang up on your butt for being stupid and not leaving a voicemail."

But to all the guys on my friends' list being sweet, love ya! *g* Really, I'm being nice and warning the guys in this office to steer clear, because I don't want to take out my anger on someone just because they're male.

ETA: The cure for PMS...Pat O'Brien's sex voicemail. *snicker* It makes you want to vomit or point and laugh.

No, really?

"Heather, you didn't leave that refrigerator door open on purpose, did you?"

*blink*

Because, you know, I want to freeze the office with a refrigerator. Yeah.

Can we just close the door on that thing?

***

Hysterical people should not ever call UPS because their package is lost. Trying to talk with the customer service representative while a coworker wails about how the child's chainsaw is irreplaceable is quite fun (not). I understand her past history with UPS (a company that has been realiable with everyone else's packages except hers). Yes, they did lose things for her sister's wedding last time. It's not a conspiracy against her or proof that they are horribly incompetent.

The customer service lady was *quite* nice. Now I'm just waiting on our regular driver to show up, because he has better eyes and ears on the ground, and is obviously local, and might be able to call someone to walk into their warehouse and look to see if there's a neon orange TIVO box sitting around without a label.

***

Desk calendar for the day has the giant Viagra logo on it. Bless you Mark Martin for making me laugh.