Olympic Dear John

Dear Michael Phelps,

Marry me. Or allow me the opportunity to audition to be your mattress. You're legal. I'm only 8 years older than you. It's all good.

Hubba hubba.

Sincerely, and with batted eyelashes,
Maveness

***

Dear US Mens Olympic Swimming Team,

If Michael won't take me, I'm available to rest of you too. But only in the following order: Lenny (by far the best body and smile), Brendan Hansen, Klete Keller (it would help if you'd grow your hair back in first), Aaron Piersol, Eric Vendt, and then the rest of you.

Dude, seriously, Lenny...call me.

Sincerely,
Maveness

***

Dear rest of the male swimmers at the Olympics,

Okay, seriously, I'll take all of you. I'm thinking, with the vast numbers, I could have a person for every day of the year (which means a rotation of...3? 4? times a year that you have to come see me). Ian Thorpe and Kitajima are high in the rotation, so if anyone has to make up extra days, you two are in there.

Sincerely,
Maveness

***

Dear Mohini Bhardwaj,

You, my dear, rock like a rockin' thing. You sincerely kick ass. Don't worry, after these games? People aren't going to remember where folks placed during the All Arounds. They're going to remember the rock of the American team that pulled it all together. You.

Sincerely,
Maveness

Sweet!

FYI folks.

Yahoo has a feature where you can check a box to hide the Olypmics results on their page. So if you're going to check email...you don't have to be spoiled as to the results! Yay!

Oh my god.

Do these people have nothing better to do with their time?

Religion Experts Ask How Jesus Would Vote

First off, I doubt Jesus would vote for either party. Secondly, caring and compassion are not an exclusive Republican or Democratic trait. Heck, politicians as a whole are pretty much far from trustworthy. I dare say Jesus would have done as much as possible to stay away from institutional change as possible. Guess what, he'd be in the trences working, not talking about what should be done from a soap box somewhere. Jesus was about the people.

Sorry. That just royally pissed me off.

Suggestion Desired

I'm taking suggestions.

We have a new guy in the office, quite nice, but he did something that just begs for picking on.

He has a garden gnome in his office (that looks scarily like Richard Nixon).

We're mounting a freshman initiation. So far I've moved the gnome a few times. Another coworker turned him funny. Today at lunch I put an eyepatch on him.

We're taking suggestions on more things to do though. We've already started brainstorming, but just in case anyone on here has some ideas...share!

Just remember, the gnome has to stay in ONE piece.