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Phone Pet Peeves
The Speaker Phone Devotee
Having to yell "HELLO" multiple times because they refuse to pick up their phone is just a pain in the butt. Note to everyone out there - it is only good to use the speaker phone when you 1) have a good phone system that has been tested and found to have amazing microphone pick-up or 2) when you have more than one person in the room on the phone call.
The Condescender
Speaking down to the person answering the phone doesn't get you anywhere. It actually probably gets you worse service. Believe me, women from the South, women from New England and women from Texas are going to go out of their way to make your phone call as difficult as possible. (I can't speak for the rest of the country, but my guess is that women in those areas are the same. Guys in the same position are freaking rare, despite this whole "equality of the sexes" thing, so I can't speak to how guys would react.) We are the gatekeepers. That means you have to kiss our asses. Because either we know that you're a nobody or we just don't care why the hell you're calling.
The Name Dropper
Unless you are actually the name to be dropped (i.e. "This is Hilary Clinton calling, and no, this is not a recording."), don't drop names. It is okay to say "I called so and so and they directed me to you." But indicating that you're bestest buddies with someone when all you did was place one phone call? No. Not cool. Believe me, even hinting that you had a big ole heart to heart about the intricacies of direct marketing tools with the vice president of marketing at the huge corporation? Totally blowing smoke. So don't drop names unless you have been assured BIG TIME that the person you talked to was going to call ahead and say you were calling.
Or, you know, if you're Oprah Winfrey.
The Mystery Man
Related to The Name Dropper is The Mystery Man. That's the guy or gal who calls and will tell you their name, but god forbid they give any other information. And that includes a company name. Guess what? They don't get through either. They'll get pretty far (in my office, that means I'll actually take the time to ask if the person they're calling knows who they are). But if the person answering the phone and the person you're calling don't know anything about you, then you're probably not going to get anywhere. While you may be the billionaire CEO of a huge conglomerate, the chances are just as likely that you're a stock broker trying to foist his latest pick off on an unsuspecting schmuck with too much money.
The Elitist
The Elitist is also similar to The Name Dropper. They just drop some tidbit into their opening monologue that makes them seem to be Oh So Special. My favorite (as an employee in the advertising industry)? "This is John Doe calling from New York City." And yes, they do put emphasis on "New York City". Quite honestly, this wouldn't work in New York City, because New Yorkers would say "Let me guess, you're really in Jersey". This also doesn't work with Southerners (of which I am one), because we immediately assume it's an attempt to put us in our place (which, in the advertising industry, it is - mainly because New York advertising agencies refuse to admit that advertising exists elsewhere). Either way, it just makes the person on the phone look like an ass. And asses tend to get the run around.
The Masticator
Don't eat while you're on the phone. It's nasty.
The Telemarketer
Everyone knows that pause + click + "Hello?" that happens when a telemarketer is calling. Telemarketers, we're on to you. So don't get mad and call back (yes, it happens) just because you got hung up on. Yell at your bosses for having crappy equipment.
The Speaker Phone Devotee
Having to yell "HELLO" multiple times because they refuse to pick up their phone is just a pain in the butt. Note to everyone out there - it is only good to use the speaker phone when you 1) have a good phone system that has been tested and found to have amazing microphone pick-up or 2) when you have more than one person in the room on the phone call.
The Condescender
Speaking down to the person answering the phone doesn't get you anywhere. It actually probably gets you worse service. Believe me, women from the South, women from New England and women from Texas are going to go out of their way to make your phone call as difficult as possible. (I can't speak for the rest of the country, but my guess is that women in those areas are the same. Guys in the same position are freaking rare, despite this whole "equality of the sexes" thing, so I can't speak to how guys would react.) We are the gatekeepers. That means you have to kiss our asses. Because either we know that you're a nobody or we just don't care why the hell you're calling.
The Name Dropper
Unless you are actually the name to be dropped (i.e. "This is Hilary Clinton calling, and no, this is not a recording."), don't drop names. It is okay to say "I called so and so and they directed me to you." But indicating that you're bestest buddies with someone when all you did was place one phone call? No. Not cool. Believe me, even hinting that you had a big ole heart to heart about the intricacies of direct marketing tools with the vice president of marketing at the huge corporation? Totally blowing smoke. So don't drop names unless you have been assured BIG TIME that the person you talked to was going to call ahead and say you were calling.
Or, you know, if you're Oprah Winfrey.
The Mystery Man
Related to The Name Dropper is The Mystery Man. That's the guy or gal who calls and will tell you their name, but god forbid they give any other information. And that includes a company name. Guess what? They don't get through either. They'll get pretty far (in my office, that means I'll actually take the time to ask if the person they're calling knows who they are). But if the person answering the phone and the person you're calling don't know anything about you, then you're probably not going to get anywhere. While you may be the billionaire CEO of a huge conglomerate, the chances are just as likely that you're a stock broker trying to foist his latest pick off on an unsuspecting schmuck with too much money.
The Elitist
The Elitist is also similar to The Name Dropper. They just drop some tidbit into their opening monologue that makes them seem to be Oh So Special. My favorite (as an employee in the advertising industry)? "This is John Doe calling from New York City." And yes, they do put emphasis on "New York City". Quite honestly, this wouldn't work in New York City, because New Yorkers would say "Let me guess, you're really in Jersey". This also doesn't work with Southerners (of which I am one), because we immediately assume it's an attempt to put us in our place (which, in the advertising industry, it is - mainly because New York advertising agencies refuse to admit that advertising exists elsewhere). Either way, it just makes the person on the phone look like an ass. And asses tend to get the run around.
The Masticator
Don't eat while you're on the phone. It's nasty.
The Telemarketer
Everyone knows that pause + click + "Hello?" that happens when a telemarketer is calling. Telemarketers, we're on to you. So don't get mad and call back (yes, it happens) just because you got hung up on. Yell at your bosses for having crappy equipment.
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