maveness: (Bootie/Riggs - Ride On)
( May. 5th, 2010 10:04 pm)
I'll do a proper update later tonight (in the course of trying to stay up to get back on night shift schedule, since I have to work tomorrow night). In the meantime...

Kenny_Wallace: My friend Kasey Kahne is so pretty..He looks like a girl..ha ha ha...No facial hair at all..ha ha ha!...

Maveness: @Kenny_Wallace Kasey looks like a 12-year-old girl. The kind of pretty that's illegal in all 50 states! LOL

Kenny_Wallace: Hello @maveness You made me laugh....

Admit it. Kasey IS pretty like a 12-year-old girl. Illegal pretty. (I can't lust after him. It feels wrong. LOL)
maveness: (Default)
( Dec. 2nd, 2009 07:21 pm)
NASCAR Roast of Jimmie Johnson

I'm putting these here so I don't forget them EVER. That and they make plot bunnies go wild.

From Jeff Gluck's Twitter

Jimmie Johnson

Jimmie: "I know I've been pissing all you off the last four years, but I've never really been good at anything before."

The host just walked in and gave Jimmie a book: " #NASCAR for Dummies."

Jeff Gordon

Gordon, who has been target of gay jokes, tells Carl that getting married and having a kid is "a great cover." Pretty hilarious!

Jeff Gordon says he has a lot of JJ stories he can't tell b/c he's in a lot of them himself. JJ says, "These were all pre-marriage!"

Mark Martin

Mark Martin says he heard JJ was so ugly as a kid, he had to trick-or-treat by telephone.

Mark Martin gets to microphone and fan yells "Stand up!" Martin says, "I AM standing up."

Host says to Mark Martin, "I don't want to say you're too old to drive, but the pole-sitter of your first race was Ben Hur."

Greg Biffle

Biffle: "I'm not going to say a f@+#** thing about Jimmie because I'm sick and tired of hearing his name."

Host says Greg Biffle is "Al Gore minus the charisma." (Side note: Maveness will kick the butt of anyone who thinks Greg is without personality. He's dry! Dry I tell you! And he is LOVE.)

Denny Hamlin

Denny on JJ: "It's really hard to win the championship w/ the best team, the best crew chief and no mech. failures in 4 f@+#* years"

Denny on JJ: "The only thing faster than him is his receding hairline."

Kurt Busch

Kurt Busch says to Jimmie, "I go to Baskin Robbins and I look at vanilla and it says 'Jimmie Johnson' on it."

Carl Edwards

Carl says he's been out w/JJ a lot and knows he's not gay, "because he's only hit on me twice." Laughter erupts.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Host calls Dale Jr "the Paris Hilton of #NASCAR." Crowd hisses. And says Carl is the love child of Gov. Arnold and John Elway.

Brian Vickers

Vickers tells EVERYONE about Jimmie using Propecia and says he'd be bald otherwise! JJ is embarrassed.

Host to Vickers: "Red Bull gives you wings. It'd be nice if they gave you an engine too, huh?"

Juan Pablo Montoya

Juan Pablo Montoya to JJ: "I'm f*#@+@ tired of hearing 'Jimmie...Jimmie...Jimmie.' Give us a f+@#* break."

Ryan Newman

Ryan Newman to Jimmie: "Four in a row. Bet you wish you could do that with your wife, huh?"

Kasey Kahne

Host asks where Kasey Kahne is and says, "I didn't see you behind the grown-ups."
maveness: (Stewart - Fries)
( Sep. 17th, 2009 10:42 pm)
Funniest thing to come out of Speed Weeks in New York:

Shock Absorbers

Newman, Edwards and Kahne getting the crap shocked out of them. Newman's reaction is the best. He tried to man up. I may have watched this a few ten times, with lots of pausing and rampant guffawing.
Elliott And Amanda's Wedding Dance



For the record, Elliott is wearing tennis shoes. I spent more time laughing over that.

Stanley Studfinder

maveness: (Salute)
( Feb. 7th, 2009 10:57 pm)
NASCAR Items of Note

1. Dear DW or whoever: thanks for giving me all the porn tonight. Especially fun was Squirting Harvick. Don't know how you managed that one, but damn.

2. Jamie!

3. Wreck number one taking out all the rookies and Robby Gordon is kind of funny.

4. Sadly, no reports that Tony ended up in the 20 pit while on the radio asking Zippy why he's being so quiet.

5. I missed NASCAR. I missed the nonsensical ramblings of the crew. I missed the sound of the cars. I missed "Boogity boogity boogity". It's downright giddymaking to have it all back.

6. Proving I might be weirder than Scott Speed, when Kenseth, Edwards and McMurray were all in line (second through fourth), I said something about the Three Muskateers, Bubbles said something about "who's the defrocked priest" and it was on. For the record, if you're going to take the Roushkateers and turn them into muskateers, Jamie is quite obviously D'Artagnan (come on, he screams Chris O'Donnell) and if anyone's a defrocked priest, it's Edwards. Still haven't figured out if Kenseth is Keifer Sutherland or Oliver Platt, though.

7. There are no excuses for commercials that talk about Kasey Kahne dominating.
60 Most Beautiful People in NASCAR

Number 36: Kasey Kahne

Don't shoot me cause he's pretty )

Number 35: Jeff Gordon

Pretty boy takes his turn )
maveness: (Bicep)
( Nov. 10th, 2008 07:47 pm)
Dear NASCAR.com Superstore,

There is something intrinsically wrong about having NASCAR candy cane ornaments for several drivers, but not for Kasey Kahne.

Also, for the record, I kind of sort of would have preferred just slightly to be sending my dad images of a Biffle or Jamie Mac or Vickers optical mouse shaped like a car. At least you let me choose between the AMP paint scheme and the National Guard paint scheme. Hopefully my dad will laugh and get it for me. *g* (I asked dad for an optical mouse. We'll ignore that he loaned me one to test that I haven't used yet.)

I'm also very tempted by the NASCAR Santa hats. I may need to back away from the store now.

(Ooohhh! Flannel jammies!)
maveness: (Classic)
( Sep. 26th, 2008 01:23 pm)
Supernatural/Knight Rider

Because apparently I am a car girl: [livejournal.com profile] celli wrote me Supernatural/Knight Rider comment fic.

Tis awesome.

***

News & Notes

1. Suzanne Vega tells the story of "Tom's Diner".

2. Britney Spears' new song is out on the web. It sucks. Just in case you were wondering.

3. Chris Rock has some very solid advice on voting - vote for the guy that has one house. Think about it - the candidate that has one house actually cares about the foreclosure crisis. He stands to lose something. The guy with more than one house will just ditch a few houses and be okay. (That said, I'm not taking it for granted that his numbers on who has how many houses is correct.)

4. Apparently Kandy Kahne got in a wreck, but not a stock car with padding kind of wreck? But on a race track? That's talent!
maveness: (Default)
( Sep. 2nd, 2008 10:06 am)
New Year's Resolutions

Um, I kinda did nothing in August. I was going to do one thing, but I was so exhausted that weekend that it didn't happen. In my defense, the Olympics sapped my brain. And kickball has been taking up a ton of time.

So this month I have to do two things. Which means I need to run an errand to Williams Sonoma at some point, see what their cooking classes are for the month. *sigh*

***

NASCAR Picspam

In honor of this past weekend's race (wherein the caution light brought out a caution and Biffle finished second and AJ is now 31st in owner's points), I bring you the picspam of lulz because apparently California brings out the nuts.

Oh, and apparently, as it was Jeff Burton's 500th start, they roasted him. Where is the video of this????

Four pictures, but oh so bizarre )
maveness: (Default)
( May. 21st, 2008 02:19 pm)
Work Today

I'm not getting any work done today, and the reason can be summed up as this ). Yep. Dog came to work with me. This is what happens when the air conditioning breaks at home.

***

Horse Racing

Big Brown probably winning the Triple Crown is kind of a let down this year. For one, he's owned by a conglomerate. For another, it's just a crappy horse year. And there's the fact that the emphasis on fast over sturdy when breeding (and lineage over going outside the "accepted" gene pool). Smarty Jones was a great horse in the horse world because he wasn't the status quo.

So to pick myself up slightly (cause I'm still bummed over Eight Belles), a reminder of the two horses that encompass everything I fell in love with in regards to the Triple Crown.

Sunday Silence )

Charismatic )

Oddly enough, I just realized that my favorite horses were from 1989 and 1999. Which bodes well for next year.

***

All Star Race

My family (me, mom, dad, sister) went to the All Star Race on Saturday night. This was my parents' first race. And they have little interest in racing. *g*

So, the annoying first - chain smoking obnoxious drunks that constantly hit you in the head and kick you in the ass for the. entire. race. And a family with ADD that doesn't pay attention when you tell them "the merchandise trailers are thataway" and proceed to walk through the gates, into the track. (Which means we got to our seats at 4:00. And I didn't get to use the FanView I was loaned. Or get to go by the Team Red Bull trailer. Overall, I got screwed.)

The great was pretty much everything else.

The Showdown

1. I screamed muchly when people were introduced. My family was amused.

2. AJ winning was AWESOME. Twould have been awesomer if Brian or David Ragan had been second, but I'll take what I can get.

3. They didn't show on TV that AJ was exceedingly apologetic to Ellyut. He got loose and the car walked up the track, which, hey, the cars don't wreck as easily as they used to. But it meant he got into Ellyut, which ended Ellyut's day, and AJ felt so very bad about it. He spent a great amount of time apologizing, even more time than he spent celebrating.

4. When AJ got done with his SPEED interview, he turned around and Brian was right there to congratulate him. They did lots of manly hugging.

The Burnout Competition

1. It smelled bad. *g*

2. Jimmie's tires exploding was loud. We all jumped.

3. Kevin's tires didn't explode as loudly.

The All Star Race

1. I made my mother pay particular attention to Junior's introduction. She was very amused by the crowd reaction.

2. I also made her pay attention to Kyle Busch's introduction. She said the crowd was mean. I pointed out that Kyle pretty much asks for it. (Although I did find the crowd mean for booing Kyle's pit crew at the Pit Crew Challenge. They're not Kyle.)

3. I spotted Kasey's pit crew before he was announced as the fan vote winner, which I was able to tell the preteen girl in front of me sporting a Kasey Kahne hat, carrying a fan sign. Hey, if it couldn't have been Ellyut and wasn't Brian or David Ragan, at least the kid got her guy in.

4. DJ and that UPS truck was even more awesome in person.

5. "God Bless America" sounded worse in person, but thankfully "The Star Spangled Banner" sounded great.

6. Drums on TV - good. Drums in person - way too echoy.

7. The crowd often had no clue what was going on. So our first indication that Kyle was in trouble was when his car stayed on pit road after the mandatory 10 minute period. The cheer you heard on TV when they started pushing it back down pit road was because that's when we found out he was out. It was AWESOME.

8. My dad laughed his ass off when Junior took the lead. Mainly because the crowd went nuts.

9. My dad turned to me after the last pit stop and said "Junior's in trouble for taking that long, he won't win". If my dad, who only has a slight clue about racing, can tell that a four tire stop is bad, how come the driver and crew couldn't figure it out? I know the car was wicked loose, but damn!

10. My family got tired of me screaming "GO BIFFLE" for the last two segments. They had to deal.

11. The most incredible moment of the night came post-race, while they were dragging out the victory stage. DJ was put up on the big screen as he was getting out of his car. If you thought he was teary during the anthem, that was nothing compared to the crying he was doing after the race. I admit to getting teary-eyed myself.
OMG. Kasey Kahne's Allstate commercial with the dancing!!!!!!

More importantly, there is a one minute version of the commercial. We only saw the 30 second. How could they deprive us of the horror hilarity genius that is Kasey's dancing? Especially for longer than 15 seconds?

Why NASCAR Owns All Other Sports



And no, that is not photoshopped.

*this icon was required for this post
Now this is the NASCAR drama we need before the season ends.

The reports differ slightly between NASCAR.com and Foxsports.com, but there was a credential issue and the motorhome lot. (The discrepency is whether it was Kandy's credential that wasn't present or Kale's credential.) A guard got knocked down.

And most importantly, Kandy got handcuffed.

(Really, I may be sadistic, but ANY NASCAR driver getting handcuffed in any kind of manner cracks me up.)

The PR rep for Kandy seemed to emphasize that Kandy was in uniform. I'd like to point out a possible scenario in which that would be null and void.

1. Take one security guard that was hired for the weekend who is older than dirt and needs money for his meds and doesn't necessarily know who the drivers are. (This is southern Florida after all.)

2. Add in the fact that NASCAR drivers auction off their driver suits for charity every once in a while.

3. Give it a splash of the potential for an overzealous fan who really wants to see her driver.

Voila! Instant recipe for Kandy accidentally looking like a pompous and mean ass.

(I would like to point out that Jeff Gordon had to move from Lake Norman because fans would park their boats at his dock and walk up to stare in his windows. NASCAR fans have some boundary issues.)
maveness: (Default)
( Oct. 10th, 2007 04:20 pm)
So a Canadian, a Virginian and a Pretty Boy walk into a bar...

Seriously, it sounds like a joke.

I have to say, though, that if Riggsy has to lose his ride and they don't snap up Stremme, and as usual no one thinks to hire Boris Said, Carpentier is someone I'm excited to see coming in the door. And not just for the fact that maybe he'll run around the track wrapped in a checkered flag if he wins. (Sorry, couldn't find the video.) He's personable, charming, good looking...okay, so he's like some strange combination of Ellyut and Kandy.

***

Bruton Smith: Growing a Business or Just Making Noise?

My take on the whole Bruton v. Concord drama. (For the tl;dr crowd, Concord was stupid cause Bruton holds all the cards.)
maveness: (NASCAR - Kvapil)
( Jun. 6th, 2007 10:03 am)
In an effort to get my computer cleaned off (yet again), today shall be designated Picspam Day. In honor of Picspam Day, I bring you way too many pictures of NASCAR drivers. I'm trying to keep the posts small, so there'll be several posts with fewer pictures in each.

Picspam Day Post #1: Evernham Motorsports and Miscellaneous Drivers

Elliott Sadler: Pants Optional )

Scott Riggs: So Hungry )

Marcus Ambrose: Kangaroo Meat )

Jon Wood: Oompa Loompa )

Bootie Barker: Sex on a Stick )

Boris Said: Said Heads Unite! )

Kasey Kahne: Smile For The Camera! )
maveness: (NASCAR - Burning Rubber)
( Jun. 1st, 2007 08:55 am)
The following is for everyone (because everyone should watch, cause I say so), but especially [livejournal.com profile] mrbig1316 (cause John Cena) and [livejournal.com profile] fox1013 (cause reality TV with Shatner and fast cars that he'll have trouble getting into and Ryan Newman being his especially no-necked evil self means GOLD).

Fast Cars and Superstars

June 7 - 8 pm

5 Reasons To Watch

1. Jewel (folk singer) to John Cena (wrestler): "How does it feel to get your butt kicked by a folk singer?"

2. Jamie McMurray (NASCAR driver and the ditziest of the drivers) is a huge fan of William Shatner.

3. It has only 6 or 7 episodes, so you're not tied down for weeks on end.

4. Half the contestants scream like little children. (You know the sound - the high pitched squeal that only the very young can achieve at a volume that pretty much ruptures ear drums.) And when I say half, it's evenly split along gender lines. John Salley is just as freaked out as Serena Williams.

5. Carl Edwards might go shirtless again. )

Participants - The Celebrities:

Krista Allen
Tony Hawk
John Cena
Serena Williams
Ty Murray
Jewel
Bill Cowher
John Elway
Laird Hamilton
Gabrielle Reece
John Salley
William Shatner

Participants - The Drivers:

Jamie McMurray
Carl Edwards
Kurt Busch
Jimmie Johnson
Ryan Newman
Kasey Kahne

The Hosts:

Kenny Mayne
Brad Daugherty

The Official Site

***

Of Dresses I Want

And randomly...

I adore this dress. Like, want to own it or have one made for me or something because OMG YES. )
maveness: (NASCAR - Vegas)
( May. 8th, 2007 10:04 am)
Dear Kandy Kahne,

Oh HELL no.

Seriously? You're going to develop a personality in time to blame another driver for something that was your fault (I'll give you that your crappy year is Evernham's issue, not yours as a driver) on him being "fat and out of shape"?

Have you SEEN Stremme?

*is boggling*

I'm sorry, but by what standard are we judging physical wellness these days? Kandy, honey, when you finish a race you're so slight that the adrenaline has you shaking like a leaf. Just because he's 30 pounds heavier than you doesn't mean anything except he's height/weight proportionate for a man that's going on 30 years old.

(And frankly, I like my men more cushy than stick-like.)

Let's be really, really honest here, though, Kasey and point out the most telling fact - do you think any of you would stand a chance on the track if physical fitness were all it took? Because if Tony Stewart were built like Carl Edwards, then odds are by your logic he'd be winning every single race. Heck, he's getting in better shape now, so why hasn't he won if losing weight and getting in shape is all it takes to do better in a race?

***

Okay, back to your regular scheduled work day. I've been dealing with a cranky client, and to top it all off with Kandy growing a (bitchy) personality just set me off wrong.
This post is all NASCAR, brought to you by Bojangles'.

NASCAR Neurosis

This moment is dedicated to [livejournal.com profile] celli and [livejournal.com profile] tenel, who will undoubtedly laugh their asses off.

This morning, while getting dressed, I had a moment of horror. I had my hose on and made the move to put on my bra. So, essentially, I'm standing in my bedroom half naked (not nekkid, as nothing untoward was going on). The TV is on to the morning news. Just as I'm going to put on the bra I look up to see Jeff Gordon on my TV screen, grinning and giving me the thumbs up. My first reaction? To shriek and cover my boobs.

So lesson learned - I don't want Gordon seeing me naked. It's skeevy.

The commercial in question is part of this campaign.

The Vickers Complex

Vickers video that makes me giggle like whoa. Also known as, riding a half-pipe in a rolling desk chair. WITH helmet.

Yeah, I may have watched that five times already.

Also, something tells me some of the quotes from the Hendrick camp in here were from Jimmie and Jeffy, not from Kyle.

"Vickers' former teammates quietly suggest he hadn't appeared to change much since joining the team at the behest of team-owner Rick Hendrick's late son, Ricky, in 2003 and that he was content being a kid."

Because a couple of 30-somethings have SO much in common with a 23-year-old. And are at the same point in their lives. Methinks asking Kyle would have been a better option.

Stealing Harvick

From Jayski:

Don't have a ton of details on this, but heard from sources at the track that someone broke into the #29 RCR garage this morning at Atlanta Motor Speedway, taking Kevin Harvick's helmet and was supposedly caught climbing a fence with the helmet on, no word on any other items taken or any damage by the person.

UPDATE: Daytona 500 winner Kevin Harvick's helmet was stolen from the #29 hauler in the Nextel Cup garage Sunday morning. But the caper was quickly foiled by speedway security. "[NASCAR] was notified early this morning that track security had come across and apprehended two individuals in the garage who were in the possession of Kevin Harvick's racing helmet," NASCAR spokesperson Kerry Tharp said. "The police were notified, the individuals were arrested and the helmet was returned safe and sound."

Testing

Kyle Busch and Casey Mears are testing COTs at Caraway Speedway tomorrow. The squeal you heard from me is over 1) drivers that close to where I live (Caraway is just outside Asheboro), 2) COT that close to me (I wanna see one) and 3) the idea of those two in an isolated place, because Casey could hurt Kyle and no one would be the wiser. What? I'm sadistic.

Unfortunate Wording Leads To Slash

Team Red Bull is notorious for the parties it throws in Formula One, and Vegas gave the team a proper venue for its first NASCAR celebration. The first-year NASCAR team rented out the Hugh Hefner Sky Villa at Palms Casino, then put together an exclusive guest list for the seven-hour bash. The doors opened at 9 p.m., and NASCAR president Mike Helton made his brief appearance shortly thereafter. Drivers Greg Biffle and David Gilliland were also among the first on the scene - as well as the last to leave. Johnson and wife, Chandra, arrived with driver Casey Mears, while Kasey Kahne showed up with Elliott Sadler.

So Jimmie and Chandra have a threesome going with Mears and Sadler is Kahne's bitch? The HELL?

Simon Cowell Gets Judged - By Michael Waltrip and Kurt Busch

Oh, and Mario Andretti. But he doesn't count as I'm female, therefore I don't exist.

Simon Cowell Gets Judged video.

The judging starts about 2:41. Mikey goes all out at being extra snarky.

ETA: Newman Surprise

Shocking Newman Video!!!!

He has a neck! Oh, and he surprises a fan at an Alltel store. The fan, being of the NASCAR redneck variety, is awesome and reacts like he's supposed to, with yelling, declarations of "I'm shaking like a leaf", and bowing.

Yeah, I said bowing.
.

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