maveness: (Default)
( Dec. 2nd, 2009 07:21 pm)
NASCAR Roast of Jimmie Johnson

I'm putting these here so I don't forget them EVER. That and they make plot bunnies go wild.

From Jeff Gluck's Twitter

Jimmie Johnson

Jimmie: "I know I've been pissing all you off the last four years, but I've never really been good at anything before."

The host just walked in and gave Jimmie a book: " #NASCAR for Dummies."

Jeff Gordon

Gordon, who has been target of gay jokes, tells Carl that getting married and having a kid is "a great cover." Pretty hilarious!

Jeff Gordon says he has a lot of JJ stories he can't tell b/c he's in a lot of them himself. JJ says, "These were all pre-marriage!"

Mark Martin

Mark Martin says he heard JJ was so ugly as a kid, he had to trick-or-treat by telephone.

Mark Martin gets to microphone and fan yells "Stand up!" Martin says, "I AM standing up."

Host says to Mark Martin, "I don't want to say you're too old to drive, but the pole-sitter of your first race was Ben Hur."

Greg Biffle

Biffle: "I'm not going to say a f@+#** thing about Jimmie because I'm sick and tired of hearing his name."

Host says Greg Biffle is "Al Gore minus the charisma." (Side note: Maveness will kick the butt of anyone who thinks Greg is without personality. He's dry! Dry I tell you! And he is LOVE.)

Denny Hamlin

Denny on JJ: "It's really hard to win the championship w/ the best team, the best crew chief and no mech. failures in 4 f@+#* years"

Denny on JJ: "The only thing faster than him is his receding hairline."

Kurt Busch

Kurt Busch says to Jimmie, "I go to Baskin Robbins and I look at vanilla and it says 'Jimmie Johnson' on it."

Carl Edwards

Carl says he's been out w/JJ a lot and knows he's not gay, "because he's only hit on me twice." Laughter erupts.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Host calls Dale Jr "the Paris Hilton of #NASCAR." Crowd hisses. And says Carl is the love child of Gov. Arnold and John Elway.

Brian Vickers

Vickers tells EVERYONE about Jimmie using Propecia and says he'd be bald otherwise! JJ is embarrassed.

Host to Vickers: "Red Bull gives you wings. It'd be nice if they gave you an engine too, huh?"

Juan Pablo Montoya

Juan Pablo Montoya to JJ: "I'm f*#@+@ tired of hearing 'Jimmie...Jimmie...Jimmie.' Give us a f+@#* break."

Ryan Newman

Ryan Newman to Jimmie: "Four in a row. Bet you wish you could do that with your wife, huh?"

Kasey Kahne

Host asks where Kasey Kahne is and says, "I didn't see you behind the grown-ups."
maveness: (Default)
( Dec. 2nd, 2009 06:00 pm)
NASCAR All Star Race

I want a true NASCAR All Star race.

I want Jimmie Johnson in one of his cars from Charlotte. I want Jeff Gordon in T Rex. I want Awesome Bill in that million dollar winning car (or the one that set the track record at...hell, was it Dega or Daytona?). And if Dale Sr. were around, I'd want him in a clunker, because hell, the man did more with clunkers than anyone else.

That would be an All Star race to me - one that features not only the best drivers, but the best cars. Then we'd see what generation had it best.

(As an aside, the Weather Channel is playing TSO. Hee!)
maveness: (Dean - Impala Love)
( Nov. 1st, 2009 06:13 pm)

Holy freaking hell, Jamie McMurray!!!!!


Also, Chad must have paid that medicine man something to slip in a "ensure Jimmie does well" bit o' mojo.

Honestly, I was happy with the race in terms of who all was running well. And for the first portion of the race I was loving the racing. It's important to note that four guys were not going to win the race, no matter what: Dale Earnhardt Jr., Tony Stewart, Jeff Gordon, Kyle Busch. Why? Because they're great at plate tracks. And after the last plate race Jamie won, no one will work with those guys near the end. (Which begs the question - why don't the four of them make a pact and say screw everyone else? Everyone loves being pushed by them or following them to the front, but no one wants to be near them at the end because they know they can be beaten by those guys.) The only reason I didn't put Michael Waltrip on that list is because I think folks had written him off enough that they'd underestimate him and let him near the front. For evidence, see Jimmie Johnson wanting to work with Michael. Granted, I also think Jimmie wasn't too worried because Michael isn't Mark or Jeff, so not challenging him for the title.

Also, I'm dubbing that rule by NASCAR about seeing sunshine in the corners between the cars the "NASCAR PDA rule". It's very reminiscent of what our principal did in high school - yelling "I must see six inches!" at kids who were making out.

The big thing - Ryan Newman's wreck scared the ever loving crap out of me. Partially because his car kept hitting on the roof, partially because he's just so big and big guys cannot get out of cars well in that condition. Poor Krissie! Now, NASCAR, please to be explaining who these cars are suddenly getting airborne. This was not supposed to be the case.
maveness: (Wondering)
( Jun. 28th, 2009 10:11 am)
So, an update on where things are with me, as it's been almost a week since I last updated.

Temp Working

It's a very good job, in that I have tons to do all day. Also, no answering phones! I get to listen to my iRiver if I want to. Vincent is pleased to have been brought out of the closet. Plus, I'm working in the same room as [ profile] eliz, and this place has a cafeteria (where I ate healthy all week).

The downside is that it's an hour from where I'm living. I'm up at six, leaving by seven. I don't get home until after six in the evening. Then there's dinner with Gran, so I'm not downstairs until 7, at which time I dive in and job hunt. At 7:30 I take a break to take a shower, then back to job hunting and watching TV at the same time. It's not a very relaxing routine.

Job Hunting

I haven't heard back from anybody that I've sent applications to. I'm trying to keep my hopes up, because I'm applying for jobs where budget is key. So I should give it until July 15 before I really worry. Plus there's the fact that, when I get called for one job, I tend to get several calls from several people about several jobs in the same period of time. So when one hits, several will hit. I'm sure of it.

Rehab Stuff

We moved the turkey vulture outside last weekend. Cranky butt is doing great. And I got to watch surgery on a timber rattlesnake. That was pretty awesome. (They were inserting a transponder so they could track it when it was released.)

Also, a turtle I rescued amazingly lived. It had been hit by a car and was bleeding profusely. [ profile] bubblesbrnaid saw it. You would have sworn the thing was going to die. But it lived, so I get to release it today.


I love the double file restart. Sonoma was freaking awesome. (Okay, with the little sidebar of "why, when Junior's finally getting a top ten at this track, does someone take him out". LOL His luck sucks this year. As well as his ability to find his pit box.)

I hope the weather is beautiful today, so the race goes off without a hitch and [ profile] queenofalostart has a blast.

So, the totally cracktastic story that the supposed front runner to get Danica Patrick is Hendrick? And that the person getting the boot (so to speak) is Junior? I laughed so hard. Okay, so it's not exactly just that. It's that JR Motorsports would be in Cup as a satellite Hendrick team as Junior and Keselowski and Danica would be the fourth Hendrick driver. Still. I don't care what the news says. That's almost laughable in its absurdity. At this point they're just now figuring out that Junior's set ups suck because the info being used from Jeff, Jimmie and Mark doesn't work for him. And that Tony and Ryan's setups may be better. But that's still something that is being explored. So you take the most popular driver in the sport who isn't running well and stick him on his own team? Wasn't this the reason he *left* DEI? Because his cars started sucking and weren't competitive and there wasn't much being done to stay competitive?

Also, dudes, Junior all chunky with the beard is totally Grissom. CSI: NASCAR for the win! They investigate exploding tires and crap like that. I'm actually starting to find him attractive. Yes, I'm strange like that, that a vague resemblance to Grissom makes him hot.

And of the random

Weird and creepy guy at rehab asked me out. I saw it coming. He's weird and creepy and I'm not the only one that thinks so, but I was the one who trained him and I feel bad that I find him weird and creepy. So I overcompensate by making sure he gets to do things and doesn't miss out just because he's quieter. Which results in him being overly weird and creepy with me because I pay him attention.

There were histrionics last night when I killed a spider. I was very calm about the matter until I didn't kill it completely on the first blow and it jumped at me. Then there may have been screaming.
maveness: (Orangecrush)
( Apr. 6th, 2009 12:43 pm)
Birthday Thoughts

Thinky thoughts, and all that jazz. It's one of those days where I'm unsettled and moody. The fact is, my age doesn't bother me (too much, as long as I don't think about it), but the fact that I'm unemployed on my birthday is driving me a wee bit nuts.

So there's that bit of psychodrama.

My family is going for "spontaneous", which is amusing and annoying. My aunt is about the most spontaneous person in the family, so her calling and wanting to do dinner wasn't a surprise. My mother's phone call yesterday to ask me to dinner tonight was sort of the doozy. Mainly because my family tends to plan way ahead and knowing that I was possibly having plans tonight, she still put off asking until the last minute. Oh well! Like I told her, you snooze, you lose. LOL I'm having dinner with [ profile] bubblesbrnaid. Mmmm. Mexican food.

And that's all I've got.



Jeff Gordon won and didn't bring the baby. I'm still pissed. You just know Eddie Gossage had a little cowboy hat on hand for Ella and we didn't get to see anything. Cause Ella and Ingrid were at home. Not cool, Jeff! Not cool!

On the plus side, Kyle had a crappy day. I just have to ask, is it me, or when he's having a crappy day and he's near Junior, does he go for extra dumb moves because his opinion is that "field fillers" and Junior can wreck and he'll be fine with it? (Bubbles was asleep during my yelling at Kyle on the TV. *g*)
maveness: (Fly)
( Feb. 23rd, 2009 12:39 pm)

1. Jeff Burton will be on General Hospital on March 18.

2. Jeff Gordon will be on Sesame Street when the new season starts in November. *wails*
maveness: (Looking)
( Feb. 10th, 2009 12:21 pm)
Surprising things about 20 Muppet characters


Jared Padalecki looked good on The Bonnie Hunt Show this morning. I find it amusing that he talked about Tom Welling and Jensen, but he didn't talk about his movie. Whoops!


Getting ready to eat lunch and watch Jeff Gordon on Rachel Ray.
60 Most Beautiful People in NASCAR

Number 36: Kasey Kahne

Don't shoot me cause he's pretty )

Number 35: Jeff Gordon

Pretty boy takes his turn )
maveness: (Entice)
( Oct. 17th, 2008 06:38 pm)
This is just wrong.

And I'm not talking about the part where Jeff Gordon was at the Madonna concert.

Some dumbasses thought Jeff Gordon was Dale Jr.

There's even video. How the HELL does anyone make that mistake who has enough of a clue to spot a race car driver?


Took mom to doctor. Got lost. This is what happens when talkative people are in the car together. I'm now exhausted, even though I came home and took a nap.

And my landlords came by and borrowed dog shampoo, which I find really odd. And yet really funny.
maveness: (Default)
( Aug. 23rd, 2008 07:58 pm)
A Brain Is A Glorious Thing To Waste

So, Jeff Gordon starts talking about pondering. In pre-race coverage. And I just have to say, my brain goes where it goes when people talk about pondering.

To Pinky and the Brain.

JEFF: Jimmie, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

JIMMIE: I think so Jeff, but this time, you hold Chad and I'll put the rubber pants on him.
maveness: (NASCAR - Reach)
( Jul. 14th, 2008 10:32 am)


For the Elliott Sadler-as-singer fans and [ profile] tourofduty's Stewiffle muse: Ellyut was singing Journey and Biffle and Stewart were all chummy and playing nice.

(Side bonus of commentary on Jeffy and Ella cuteness.)
maveness: (NASCAR - To The Left)
( Jun. 9th, 2008 11:19 am)

ETA: I swear, those pictures were smaller on my computer. Resizing!

Also, tis possible to sleep too much. I slept too much this past week, apparently. Which led to being up at 3:30 this morning. (And also led to me putting a quote on our quote board this morning. The quote? "Beep Beep" - Road Runner to Wile E Coyote.)

ETA2: Oh, and this morning I channeled my inner NASCAR driver. I'm Jeff Gordon, folks. Because the road jumped up and bit me. That's right. I ran over a giant chunk of concrete cause the road decided to make me its bitch.
maveness: (Default)
( May. 9th, 2008 08:25 am)
Watching Supernatural is really freaking hard when the emergency alert system is doing that infernal beeping for most of the ep. (I only remembered closed captioning halfway through.)

[ profile] celli, brace yourself. You're gonna LAUGH.

And another reason I will not be going to see Speed Racer (other than the fact that I couldn't stand the cartoon):

Dear Hirsch dude. Or whatever the hell your name is. Do not use big words and talk about your love of NASCAR, while wearing glasses, and get me all excited because for once we appear to have someone who knows something about the sport...

But oh no, he's just a good enough actor to sell his supposed interest until he makes a major goof.

(Note to celebs - there are two names in NASCAR amongst the current crop of drivers that you can not mess up. So don't talk about getting to meet the superstars of the sport, you know, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Chuck Gordon. SERIOUSLY. WTF. Is he some grand martial arts, karate chopping racecar driver now? That really only happens in the movies. But it's even more amusing when you consider that Hirsch supposedly met JEFF at Texas.)
maveness: (NASCAR - Goodbye)
( Feb. 18th, 2008 09:19 am)
Things that are awesome about NASCAR and the Daytona 500

1. When guys who've never won the 500 win. Which, I think, of the top 10...was about nine of them. LOL So I would have been happy if any of the top 10 had won. (Well, since Junior was the one who'd won previously...)

2. Newman's wife with the crying. (Plus the fact that she wasn't "camera ready" like all other NASCAR wives tend to be.)

3. Newman's dad and the tackling.

4. The fact that Jeff Gordon is now from North Carolina.

5. The Toyota commercial. Tony is so cutely protective of Zippy. And Shrub screams well.

6. Guys with deep voices. Dave Blaney, Martin Truex Jr., Casey Mears...the fourth guy that I can't remember at the moment. There were four really, really deep voices in that startling lineup that FOX did and boy, did I blink when they talked. (You never quite realize how deep their voices are until they're up against one another. Plus I realized that my hearing really sucks and deep voices I can hear better.)

7. Junior with the funny perspective. Talking about how those Penske guys worked together to get that win and everyone else was in it for themselves, himself included. (Of course, he's allowed to be funny about those things. He has a 500 win. And his season is already better than last year.)

8. DW tearing up at the beginning. One reason I like the FOX crew better - the ones who weren't aiming to be announcers from the time they were five don't pretend they weren't in the sport before they were announcers. Yeah, Hammond gets on my nerves sometimes, but there's a balance between them all and they know they're connected to the sport in a way that's different from other announcers who just announce.

9. National anthems that are in tune and sung well.

10. Nothing is better than the roar of those engines firing up.

11. Explaining to a coworker that the great thing about my sport is that I root for more than one guy, and a good day doesn't necessarily equal a win. So it's hard to have a bad race. (Unless I'm there in person and yet again someone I don't root for wins. For some reason it's different in person. You feel like if you paid the money, you should get to see one of your favorites win. Believe me - I've seen the following win in person: Mark Martin, Jimmie Johnson, Matt Kenseth, Tony Stewart - and you want the guy you're rabid about right at that moment to win.)

"I know it probably won't happen, but it would be nice if Jimmie and Jeff quit sharing notes, started to hate each other and wrecked each other on the racetrack," fifth-place Chase driver Carl Edwards said. "It would really help the rest of us out." -- Miami Herald

Carl,'re priceless.


Ugly Betty Icon

One of Willy's quotes from last night stuck with me, so I had to make icons. (Naturally I saved my favorite one for myself. *g* Feel free to grab, because I'm proud of my lame ass work on these. I have no skills but these turned out better than I expected.)

maveness: (Default)
( Sep. 13th, 2007 02:04 pm)
NASCAR on Letterman: The Top 12

12. Clint Bowyer: "We've got special mirrors that show objects the size that they actually are."
11. Kevin Harvick: "Sometimes back in the garages there's horseplay with the airhose."
10. Jeff Burton: "Between the G-forces and the fumes, I'm loopy most of the season."
9. Kyle Busch: "Switch the 'R' and the 'C' in 'Racing' and you get 'Caring.'"
8. Matt Kenseth: "Can hold 8 gigs of music on my new iHelmet."
7. Martin Truex, Jr.: "In a pinch, checkered flags make a lovely tablecloth."
6. Denny Hamlin: "Two more wins and I get to marry Ashley Judd."
5. Kurt Busch: "You can talk to your car and pretend you're David Hasselhoff."
4. Carl Edwards: "How many people can say their "office" goes 200 miles per hour."
3. Tony Stewart: "Driving fast and starting fights."
2. Jeff Gordon: "It's not one of those sports you have to inject stuff in your ass to be good."
1. Jimmie Johnson: "Unlike most guys, I like it when my wife says, 'You're too fast.'"

You know, number 1 and number 9 are repeats from last year. I'm guessing either Letterman ran out of creativity or he wasn't told about the 12 early enough and just went with what worked.

I quite loved Kevin's line, especially with the evil smirk; Truex's for the fact he got called Martha Stewart; Denny's for the fact that it's extremely timely; Kurt's for the fact that he mentions Knight Rider (in a round about way); and Gordon's for the fact that this is why our sport owns stick and ball sports at times.


Interview with Kenseth in USA Today

I really wish YouTube had been around at the time, because I never got to see the fashion show with NASCAR drivers. Just the idea of Kenseth in a beanie is hysterical.


maveness: (Default)


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