maveness: (Stewart - Fries)
( Mar. 23rd, 2010 09:01 pm)
@gbiffle Thinking about sitting in the hot tub after a hard days test. My music just quit and I'm pissed.

Pardon, but my brain is exploding right now. I'm such a dirty Biffle fangirl.
maveness: (Default)
( Dec. 2nd, 2009 07:21 pm)
NASCAR Roast of Jimmie Johnson

I'm putting these here so I don't forget them EVER. That and they make plot bunnies go wild.

From Jeff Gluck's Twitter

Jimmie Johnson

Jimmie: "I know I've been pissing all you off the last four years, but I've never really been good at anything before."

The host just walked in and gave Jimmie a book: " #NASCAR for Dummies."

Jeff Gordon

Gordon, who has been target of gay jokes, tells Carl that getting married and having a kid is "a great cover." Pretty hilarious!

Jeff Gordon says he has a lot of JJ stories he can't tell b/c he's in a lot of them himself. JJ says, "These were all pre-marriage!"

Mark Martin

Mark Martin says he heard JJ was so ugly as a kid, he had to trick-or-treat by telephone.

Mark Martin gets to microphone and fan yells "Stand up!" Martin says, "I AM standing up."

Host says to Mark Martin, "I don't want to say you're too old to drive, but the pole-sitter of your first race was Ben Hur."

Greg Biffle

Biffle: "I'm not going to say a f@+#** thing about Jimmie because I'm sick and tired of hearing his name."

Host says Greg Biffle is "Al Gore minus the charisma." (Side note: Maveness will kick the butt of anyone who thinks Greg is without personality. He's dry! Dry I tell you! And he is LOVE.)

Denny Hamlin

Denny on JJ: "It's really hard to win the championship w/ the best team, the best crew chief and no mech. failures in 4 f@+#* years"

Denny on JJ: "The only thing faster than him is his receding hairline."

Kurt Busch

Kurt Busch says to Jimmie, "I go to Baskin Robbins and I look at vanilla and it says 'Jimmie Johnson' on it."

Carl Edwards

Carl says he's been out w/JJ a lot and knows he's not gay, "because he's only hit on me twice." Laughter erupts.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Host calls Dale Jr "the Paris Hilton of #NASCAR." Crowd hisses. And says Carl is the love child of Gov. Arnold and John Elway.

Brian Vickers

Vickers tells EVERYONE about Jimmie using Propecia and says he'd be bald otherwise! JJ is embarrassed.

Host to Vickers: "Red Bull gives you wings. It'd be nice if they gave you an engine too, huh?"

Juan Pablo Montoya

Juan Pablo Montoya to JJ: "I'm f*#@+@ tired of hearing 'Jimmie...Jimmie...Jimmie.' Give us a f+@#* break."

Ryan Newman

Ryan Newman to Jimmie: "Four in a row. Bet you wish you could do that with your wife, huh?"

Kasey Kahne

Host asks where Kasey Kahne is and says, "I didn't see you behind the grown-ups."
maveness: (Default)
( Aug. 21st, 2009 06:01 pm)
1. Hairdresser butchered my hair today. I'm pissed. I wasn't happy when I saw it, then when I got home and truly got a bead on it, I was mad. It's too short. Way too freaking short. I don't know what the hell she was thinking. A trim does not mean completely rework my hairstyle. The good news is, I have a month and a half until my next haircut (for my sister's wedding). So I can have a talk with her before the next cut to explain what she can and cannot do with my hair.

2. I'm so desperately ready for a job that I'm actually getting mad. That plus sleep deprivation and driving a lot. 18 hours of driving in the past week alone just for job hunting. (Trip to Georgia and trip to south of the state.) One place sent out an email that they won't be contacting anyone again until OCTOBER. Fuckers.

3. My grandmother is stressed (one of her dearest friends fell down stairs and broke her neck. Yes, she's dead.), which I understand, but it's resulting in her being hypercritical. I've taken to hiding in the basement.

4. My overwhelming urge right now is to eat. Even when I'm not hungry. I want food. Because I'm unhappy and I don't know why, but food seems to be the answer. Except I'm refusing to go that route, as we all know where it ends up. My biggest hope is that next weekend will make up for the crappy.

5. Next weekend is a trip to the beach for my sister. 7 or 8 of us in a condo. The annoying part is that one car is leaving at 7 a.m. and plans on spending all day on teh beach. Car number two leaves at 6 p.m. Quite honestly, I don't want to leave early, but I don't want to leave late. I'd like to leave midday. And I've been in such a bad mood that I'm wondering if maybe I should drive separately. Gotta see about that.

So, something that pleases me...

Brian Vickers' muscular, running ass )

Casey Mears hugging Brian, plus some dude staring at Casey's ass )

My hilarious Greg and Jamie mini-standups )

Hot wheels! And hot lug nuts. )
maveness: (Alert)
( May. 19th, 2009 10:39 am)
Straight Talk With The Biff

Biffle cussing is not nearly as funny as Biffle and his guests joking about him going both ways.

(It started out as an innocuous football joke, then went downhill to the point where you could tell someone was getting ready to say something really, really dirty. Loved it!)
maveness: (Amusing)
( Apr. 20th, 2009 10:39 pm)
Taking sponsor whoring to a new level.

Biffle got 3M braces. OMG. I love him and his random bouncing even more. And there's VIDEO of him talking about it.
maveness: (McShortenstuff)
( Apr. 20th, 2009 09:26 am)

Just got done watching Victory Lane and two items of note:

1. Mark Martin giddy is kind of entertaining.

2. Biffle has braces! (Before Kenny noticed, I was pausing my TV and examining the screen going "what's going on with Biffle's mouth?" And then I saw braces. And then Kenny saw braces. And then Kenny and Jimmy decided they need to do an interview and find out why Biffle has braces. And John Roberts said "Can we talk racing?" and I was sad.
maveness: (Default)
( Mar. 27th, 2009 11:28 am)
1) Comment to this with 3 people for me* and I will give you 3 people.
2) Post this meme with your answers.
3) Provide pictures and the names of 3 people.
4) Label which you would marry, shag, and throw off a cliff.

(*Edited because I'm just bored enough to want to do this more than once.)

Cliff, Shag, Marry )
maveness: (Love)
( Mar. 12th, 2009 04:54 pm)
Distracting myself...

Go to Look under Videos, the first video.

It's Greg and buddies out at the dunes near Vegas, playing with potato guns. At night. Shooting each other.

It took two watches to figure it out, but since Greg is a yeller (file that one away), I can tell you that the first guy getting shot at in the helmet and light gray hoodie is Greg. So yes, that's Greg checking to see if he got shot in the balls.

And yes, I laughed. Mostly at his "running".
maveness: (What?)
( Mar. 1st, 2009 11:25 am)
I slept 13 hours last night. Just got up at 11.

I blame the dirty dream I had. About Michael Waltrip.

(Knowing too much about Mikey and his dirty mind apparently combined with hormones to create that dream. I don't know! I was watching House Hunters before bed! There is no reason!)

At least my brain kept things realistic. And he only got to second base.

ETA: Biffle has the flu. McMurray has the flu. I call shenanigans if Sadler pops up with the flu next.
maveness: (Forward)
( Feb. 2nd, 2009 11:57 am)
60 Most Beautiful People in NASCAR

Well, folks, we're into the top five. Yay!

Due to the fact that [ profile] pmgoose is the only one that actually voted for NASCAR drivers ([ profile] swordnmace, I laughed but that totally doesn't count *g*), she wins the cookie. Or the Cookie. For the record (as I'm not revealing her answers until the final day), she got three of the top five right, but not their positions.

Now, onto number five!

Number 5: Greg Biffle

I know that this will be the most controversial of my choices based on the fact that 1) he's not photogenic and 2) he totally didn't even make the list for the Sporting News issue. And I put him fifth? Thing is, Biffle is way, way better looking in person (seriously, it's astonishing how good looking he is), plus he's just a nice guy. Who doesn't love a nice guy? (Also, he's a Superman fan, so in my book he gets bonus points.)

He loves animals. Seriously loves animals. Has the coolest dog on the planet. He has a dry sense of humor and says really unfortunate things that cause Jack Roush to nearly fall out of his chair laughing.

And my love for him is pure. So nyah. He's fifth.

Bonus pictures under here )

And one last picture that will make [ profile] tourofduty smile:

*points* Biffle forearms. I'll ignore Tony's white, white legs.
maveness: (Brothers)
( Dec. 6th, 2008 12:22 am)
Of the not smart:

Taking an antihistamine and then forgetting you took it. Which is followed by pouring a glass of wine. At least it was only two healthy sips.

I'm gonna sleep now.

And dream of Biffle mentioning dirty things. Dang him for staying clean this year.
maveness: (Cool)
( Nov. 19th, 2008 01:44 pm)
1. $1.89 a gallon. Gas for one dollar and freaking eighty-nine cents. A gallon. I filled up my car for $20.36 last night.

2. My desk at work has been taken over by ribbon. See? )

3. Hugh Jackman has been named the Sexiest Man Alive. To which I replied: Well, duh. And which meant dragging out that old thing where, if you were in a relationship (or are), which five celebs would you get a free pass to sleep with if given the opportunity? Me: Greg Biffle, Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Jensen Ackles, Brian Vickers. And if I had an opportunity with two of them and had to choose one, Biffle ranks first, Jackman ranks second and after that it's up for grabs.
maveness: (Bicep)
( Nov. 10th, 2008 07:47 pm)
Dear Superstore,

There is something intrinsically wrong about having NASCAR candy cane ornaments for several drivers, but not for Kasey Kahne.

Also, for the record, I kind of sort of would have preferred just slightly to be sending my dad images of a Biffle or Jamie Mac or Vickers optical mouse shaped like a car. At least you let me choose between the AMP paint scheme and the National Guard paint scheme. Hopefully my dad will laugh and get it for me. *g* (I asked dad for an optical mouse. We'll ignore that he loaned me one to test that I haven't used yet.)

I'm also very tempted by the NASCAR Santa hats. I may need to back away from the store now.

(Ooohhh! Flannel jammies!)
maveness: (Night to Day)
( Oct. 12th, 2008 02:13 am)
Quick Race Thoughts

I was there. It was cold. And loud.

1. At one point I looked down to turn 4 (I was in turn 2) and said "OMG. That car is in the wall. Oh wait. It's Junior. He's not in the wall. He's just driving the crazy line."

2. When you sit in turn 2, it's a hike to get to the merchandise trailers.

3. How do you run out of hot dogs at a race track?

4. I hate race traffic. Especially drunk race traffic. Trying to take my lane at 1 a.m. at 70 miles per hour.

5. I was an obnoxious Biffle/Vickers fan. Not slashy, just obnoxious when either of them was contending for the lead.

6. In the Nationwide race, every wreck happened in front of where I was sitting. For the Cup race, every wreck happened diagonally across the track where we couldn't see it.
maveness: (View From Afar)
( Sep. 21st, 2008 12:14 pm)
NASCAR Race Day Notes

1. The media needs to step back and stop roasting Kyle Busch for not doing a post-race interview last week. They keep making comments about how him splitting showed his immaturity. Um, when you've just pointed out that Clint Bowyer and another Chase driver who had a bad day split as well? Shut. Up. Harp on the kid for something that's obvious and that he's the only one who did it. Don't single him out from a pack for something that he wasn't the only one doing it.

2. Scruff on 28-year-old Greg Biffle nearly just made me fall out of my chair. Damn!

3. NASCAR's new drug policy takes effect February 2009. I'd like to believe they're just aiming to do so because they want to be proactive, not reactive, and have realized the error of their thinking, plus it's best to institute it at the beginning of a season. The cynic in me is quite sure that they've found that a Chaser (and I have my suspicions) is doing some extracurricular drugging and they're giving him a chance to sober up before testing really starts. Not to mention that team that's widely known to snort up in the hauler as a group.

4. There's a new NASCAR discrimination lawsuit. This one won't get anywhere and I'm scared that it could hurt Mauricia Grant. She alleged in her lawsuit that another official, Dean Duckett, was fired for "exchanging hostile words with a white coworker", with the implication being that things said by both parties were angry and on the same level and the only reason Duckett was fired was because he was black. Turns out, what Duckett said (which he states in his lawsuit) was "I'm going to cut you". He claims he'd never said that before, didn't know why he said that then, had no knife on him and when he cooled down, he apologized to the other guy. What I don't get is, why did he think that he wasn't going to get in trouble for that? It's not the same as "I'm going to kick your ass", which doesn't involve weapons (unless they're a professional boxer/martial artist). There's an escalated level of hostility in that statement that, no matter if you apologize, it has to be reported to supervisors and I know for a fact that NASCAR and their teams do fire people regularly for that kind of thing. (Neighbor was on the verge of firing because someone *claimed* he said he was going to kick his ass. Merely from a claim. That wasn't even true. Thankfully the prosecuting attorney got fed up and dropped the case when he realized the dude making the claim was full of it.)

5. Does a bitch have to fly to Austria to get word on what's going on with AJ Allmendinger? And it appears to be a common theme that Red Bull fans are torn, because we adore AJ and like Scott Speed as well, so we don't want to choose between them. We just want three teams.
maveness: (Amusing Isn't It)
( Sep. 16th, 2008 07:58 pm)
Silly Fangirl Post

So, my silly superstition that I bring luck to drivers if I join their fan club? So I join a fan club a year? (Last year it was Jamie Mac. Year before it was Kevin Harvick (and the fan club event where I made Harvick laugh - including picture).

This year it was two. Or supposed to be two. Biffle and Vickers. See, I couldn't split my love between the two. Sadly, they split it for me because Biffle doesn't *have* a fan club. (Part and parcel of being a Roush driver, apparently.)

So, I'm supporting Vickers this year. And hey, look where the boy's at!!! The fun side of this is the fan club event which is different from many. It's at the Red Bull Energy Station at the Nationwide race at Lowe's. And Brian's coming. (He wasn't when I signed up. This means odds are, he'll either win the Nationwide race or finish last. Taking bets now.)
maveness: (Oh Really Now?)
( Sep. 15th, 2008 09:17 pm)
Sarah Connor Chronicles

After last week and this week, I've come to a conclusion.

Spoiler cut )

This Week In NASCAR

*when talking about the altercation after the Truck race*

Michael: Hey Greg! You remember that time that that one dude jumped over your car to get to you?

Greg: Yeah.

Michael: That was funny.

Me: Harvick!!!!
maveness: (Default)
( Sep. 10th, 2008 01:26 pm)
NASCAR Chase Drivers On Letterman

It begs noting, the Chasers on Letterman to read the top 12?

1. Biffle was freaking HOT. Seriously. He was hotter than anyone else. His outfit was way sexy. And talk about some shoulders!

2. I don't know who dressed Junior, but I'm scared.

3. Suits are slimming on Tony.

4. Bowyer looked like a frightened Ken doll.

5. Denny looked like he was having fun with his line. Thank god. It didn't make sense, but for some reason I found it amusing.
maveness: (Default)
( Aug. 25th, 2008 08:42 pm)
This Week In NASCAR

Just to verify that my hearing isn't wonky...did Michael just infer that Biffle is sexy?

(Biffle was confident. Michael said "confidence is sexy". Biffle gave Michael a look. No, not that kind of look. More of a "it amuses me that you said that now stop" kind of look.)


maveness: (Default)


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