maveness: (McMurray - Hardcore)
( Jun. 14th, 2010 10:40 pm)
1. Someone stole my doormat while I was at Wal-Mart.

2. My job is like teaching very large, very violent middle schoolers.

3. Mike's Hard Lemonade is my beer. And I'm drinking it right now.

4. Have now watched all of Leverage. Totally looking forward to Sunday night.

5. Bought a washing machine today. This is a huge thing for me. That's a major appliance!

6. Saw A-Team today as well. There's too much emphasis in the media on Bradley Cooper, when in reality, Sharlto Copley steals every scene he's in. (Plus, Face should always be clean shaven. I know one of y'all on here said the same thing, and you're right.)

7. NASCAR would be better if a) Denny Hamlin would just go away already and b) Jimmie took a season off. I want someone to dethrone Jimmie, but not Denny. Anyone but Denny.
maveness: (Default)
( Dec. 2nd, 2009 07:21 pm)
NASCAR Roast of Jimmie Johnson

I'm putting these here so I don't forget them EVER. That and they make plot bunnies go wild.

From Jeff Gluck's Twitter

Jimmie Johnson

Jimmie: "I know I've been pissing all you off the last four years, but I've never really been good at anything before."

The host just walked in and gave Jimmie a book: " #NASCAR for Dummies."

Jeff Gordon

Gordon, who has been target of gay jokes, tells Carl that getting married and having a kid is "a great cover." Pretty hilarious!

Jeff Gordon says he has a lot of JJ stories he can't tell b/c he's in a lot of them himself. JJ says, "These were all pre-marriage!"

Mark Martin

Mark Martin says he heard JJ was so ugly as a kid, he had to trick-or-treat by telephone.

Mark Martin gets to microphone and fan yells "Stand up!" Martin says, "I AM standing up."

Host says to Mark Martin, "I don't want to say you're too old to drive, but the pole-sitter of your first race was Ben Hur."

Greg Biffle

Biffle: "I'm not going to say a f@+#** thing about Jimmie because I'm sick and tired of hearing his name."

Host says Greg Biffle is "Al Gore minus the charisma." (Side note: Maveness will kick the butt of anyone who thinks Greg is without personality. He's dry! Dry I tell you! And he is LOVE.)

Denny Hamlin

Denny on JJ: "It's really hard to win the championship w/ the best team, the best crew chief and no mech. failures in 4 f@+#* years"

Denny on JJ: "The only thing faster than him is his receding hairline."

Kurt Busch

Kurt Busch says to Jimmie, "I go to Baskin Robbins and I look at vanilla and it says 'Jimmie Johnson' on it."

Carl Edwards

Carl says he's been out w/JJ a lot and knows he's not gay, "because he's only hit on me twice." Laughter erupts.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Host calls Dale Jr "the Paris Hilton of #NASCAR." Crowd hisses. And says Carl is the love child of Gov. Arnold and John Elway.

Brian Vickers

Vickers tells EVERYONE about Jimmie using Propecia and says he'd be bald otherwise! JJ is embarrassed.

Host to Vickers: "Red Bull gives you wings. It'd be nice if they gave you an engine too, huh?"

Juan Pablo Montoya

Juan Pablo Montoya to JJ: "I'm f*#@+@ tired of hearing 'Jimmie...Jimmie...Jimmie.' Give us a f+@#* break."

Ryan Newman

Ryan Newman to Jimmie: "Four in a row. Bet you wish you could do that with your wife, huh?"

Kasey Kahne

Host asks where Kasey Kahne is and says, "I didn't see you behind the grown-ups."
maveness: (Stewart - Fries)
( Nov. 14th, 2009 07:12 pm)
Nationwide Race

OMG, this race is triggering so many of my racing issues.

1. Kyle Busch gets a bye on this one (because he wants to clinch the championship this race, so he's complaining about everything because he's stressed, therefore, ignore the talking man, he just needs to vent his frustrations, including almost getting taken out in someone else's aggression) - if you aren't involved in an incident, you don't get to bitch about it. This excludes innocent bystanders that actually get taken out or some damage. Anyone else can't complain.

2. The Cup guys are whiners who need to get a reality check about something - they're in the top series. When they go down and deign to grace other series with their presence, they're preventing lots of other guys from getting rides and getting a chance at the big time. This is the owners' faults more than anyone else (and probably sponsors' faults). But Cup guys have got to realize that, when they've taken all the plum rides, the only way for anyone not Cup to stand a chance is to TAKE every opportunity they get. And when I say "take", I mean extreme aggressiveness. David Reutimann has spoken frankly about how he wasn't a nice guy when he was going through the ranks, because first paid and nothing else got you attention. It was wreck or don't get money to race. NASCAR has caused the problem that Nationwide is virtually the same as every lower series. It's just that Keselowski is the only one who's brash enough to do whatever it takes. And in his issues with Hamlin, he's mentioned why he doesn't kow-tow to the Cup guys (Hamlin is one of the few that actually expects the Nationwide guys to bow down and genuflect) and will race aggressively.

3. I hope Keselowski doesn't bring his aggressiveness to Cup, though. The kid is a damn good driver. But he's the honest first time that I've looked at a driver and thought "I'm kind of surprised that no one has said it...Earnhardt Sr., people". I don't like that kind of aggressiveness, especially when they're good enough as a driver to NOT be aggressive. Kyle Busch has been stupid aggressive* in the past, but more about taking risky moves that weren't always smart, taking out other drivers. That's different from intentional aggressive**. You can learn from stupid aggressive. And honestly, it pisses me off when a driver is good and takes out others by being aggressive (stupid or intentional), because their talent, especially if they've been in the series for awhile, is enough to keep them from making those mistakes consistently.

* Stupid aggressive - making risky moves at critical or non-critical times on a consistent basis, ignoring what you could do to other drivers, when said moves haven't consistently paid off. But these tend to be instances that a person can learn from. Do it often enough and you realize - if you do it again, you have no one to blame but yourself.

** Intentional aggressive - Dale Earnhardt Sr. wrecking people who are beating him for the win.

(Scarily, part of what makes me feel like Brad K. is emulating Senior is that Brad takes ownership of what he does. That's a Senior trait. And lord is it annoying and frustrating, because I want to like him.)
maveness: (Dean - Impala Love)
( Oct. 29th, 2009 08:14 pm)
NASCAR Things

1. Brian Vickers: Don't know who all watched the pre-race retrospective last Sunday at Martinsville (you know, the "it's been five years since The Crash" spiel). I was only paying attention to it halfway, because it's always the same things and it was sad, but they didn't mention the five year anniversary of Junior going to Daytona, so chill already, you know? And then, when I realized that Brian was on my screen...he doesn't talk about it. He'll talk about the happy times with Ricky, but he doesn't talk about it. And that little clip, with the LOOK that he gave. I nearly bawled for the boy.

2. AJ Allmendinger: *sigh* Imma kick his ass. Who wants to go with? (DWI, for those who haven't heard.)

3. David Ragan, Michael Waltrip, Kurt Busch, Denny Hamlin: OMG, while I'm not shocked that Denny is the dumbest of the bunch so far on Smarter Than A 5th Grader (he's barely smarter than a first grader), dudes. DUDES. We finally get a measurable sense of a Busch's brains, and he's dumber than Michael Waltrip? (Okay, for the record, Mikey is wicked smart and just hides it well as part of a schtick. But still. This is book learning we're talking about. This is supposed to be Kurt's area.) Tomorrow night is Carl. I have to admit, I'm not thrilled that we've got a whole week of guys and we didn't get Ryan Newman or Brian Vickers. Those two are supposedly the smartest in the garage. I've been dying to see how they stack up against Mikey. Couldn't we have done without Denny?
maveness: (Fight!)
( Aug. 3rd, 2009 06:58 pm)
AMP + Crown + "This Is Spinal Tap"

***

Also, I hate that Denny Hamlin made me not hate him for winning today. I don't like him. He whines. Plus he booted Reutimann into Ambrose. Double hate. But then he cried so hard in victory lane, both in the car and in the interview, and I'm sorry, but crying over grandma is adorable.

Damn you, Hamlin. Damn you.
maveness: (Default)
( Sep. 10th, 2008 01:26 pm)
NASCAR Chase Drivers On Letterman

It begs noting, the Chasers on Letterman to read the top 12?

1. Biffle was freaking HOT. Seriously. He was hotter than anyone else. His outfit was way sexy. And talk about some shoulders!

2. I don't know who dressed Junior, but I'm scared.

3. Suits are slimming on Tony.

4. Bowyer looked like a frightened Ken doll.

5. Denny looked like he was having fun with his line. Thank god. It didn't make sense, but for some reason I found it amusing.
maveness: (NASCAR - Whee!)
( Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:57 am)
On Denny Hamlin

Unfortunately, I hate to say it...but I might have to throw Denny a bone this time. Brad Daugherty was right in that, when you watch replays from teh side, Denny's wheels were completely locked up. And that there's a chance he locked up the tires and hit oil and that was just a really, really wild slide.

Damn it. I don't want to give Denny anything. *pouts*

On Jamie Mac

I am amused that the current party line (from Roush and from Jamie's camp) is that no, Jamie hasn't been released and no, he's not looking for a job.

Because we all believe that when EVERY TEAM OWNER AND DRIVER does the plausible deniability thing.

On Dreams

Please explain why I had a dream about racing and it replayed the end of the Truck race with tons of Scott Speed footage.

Cause I didn't watch the Truck race.
Dear NASCAR,

I hate you.

No love,
Heather

***

Dear NASCAR,

No, really, I don't think you understood my last note. I really, really hate you. Like, not only do I not want to have sex with you ever again, but I'm totally telling everyone that you have crabs and sleep with sluts.

No love,
Heather

***

Dear NASCAR,

Maybe you didn't quite understand from my last note. I never want to see you again. You've hurt me for the last time. You cheated on me with a Californian. A crybaby Californian at that. And no, I'm not talking about Jeff Gordon. Or Jimmie Johnson. And don't even mention Casey Mears. He had every reason to cry. No, I'm not talking about Harvick either, or Allmendinger or...

You know, never mind. I don't know why I'm wasting my breath. You love California more than you love me.

No love,
Heather

***

Dear NASCAR,

I hate you kind of this morning for sure and never want to see you again and all a night's (abbreviated) sleep has taught me is...well, yeah, I'll be watching at one.

But you owe me, you bastard.

Grouchily yours,
Heather

***

Dear NASCAR,

In all seriousness, 2-fucking-a.m.? You were going to inflict a 2 a.m. race time on those drivers? Let's mention jet lag. Let's mention the fact that their schedules are already fucked up. Let's mention the part where most of them have had to wait around all day for something to happen. Let's mention that some of them are tired from fucking Kasey Kahne. Oh, wait, that's just Ellyut. For god's sake! Have pity on all the fans who already left the freaking track because they're exhausted and wet. Have pity on all the fans at home who just want to sleep for a bit. Wait a day and freaking run the entire race, okay?

Oh, and you owe Casey Mears an apology. And Denny Hamlin. And the collateral damage (Junior, Hornish, Sorenson) from that Mears wreck. Really, anyone who slid because of the weeping track.

Very tiredly yours,
Heather

maveness: (Default)
( Sep. 30th, 2007 12:41 pm)
Random NASCAR factoids for the day:

1. Most of the guys in the Roush shop think Jamie Mac's gay. *snickers* Okay, I admit to snickering for several reasons. First because I have no functioning gaydar, so I have no clue. Second because I really, really think that Jamie's a really clueless straight male who isn't macho in any way and tries to play off like he is to fit into the NASCAR culture and ends up looking like he's hiding something.

2. Ron Hornaday thinks Michael Waltrip is gay. From things I've heard from someone who used to cat around with him? Ain't no way in hell Mikey's gay.

3. Jacques Villeneuve is going to attempt his first Nextel Cup race at Talladega. Dear Bill Davis - in what reality was that EVER a good idea? Dega is going to be a bloodbath and you're putting someone who's inexperienced at ovals out there?

4. Denny Hamlin is doing his best to be the ass of all NASCAR assholes. I mean, you get into it with Kyle Petty, who happened to be right, and then say that Kyle should apologize to you, and THEN later say that you should have been smarter than to get into it with Kyle because he's more popular...and then you go after someone you think you can bully in Paul Menard? I am pleased to say, however, that Menard was merely amused by Denny's antics.

***

Can someone please explain why the mall radios are blaring "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and "Where the Streets Have No Name" at the same time? The hell?
maveness: (NASCAR - Petty)
( Sep. 23rd, 2007 04:15 pm)
I LOVE KYLE PETTY!!!!!!!

(Cause plenty of guys have been hurt and sick and in Chase situations - hello Junior, hello Tony and the need for the firesuit change - and have done well in the race and have avoided hitting other guys. Okay, so that's more of a rant at the announcers because we don't know what Denny had to say yet, although the whole climbing out of the car to kick Kyle's ass loses MANY popularity points, because Kyle doesn't confront unless it's really, really a serious issue. *breathes*)

I love Kyle and would totally post the link to the Kyle lecturing Carl picture, but I can't find it. Because he's one of those guys that only gets pissed when he knows that he did everything right and someone screwed him over. And really, there's nothing more awesome than seeing a driver get stupid and take out Kyle, because they fail to remember that Junior has fans but Kyle Petty has the love of more people.

(And if you don't know, Carl thought Kyle had wrecked him on purpose one time and purposefully dumped Kyle in response. Carl didn't realize it had been an accident. Post race Carl got lectured by Kyle and it was beautiful because Carl almost cried and was really apologetic.)
maveness: (Default)
( Sep. 13th, 2007 02:04 pm)
NASCAR on Letterman: The Top 12

12. Clint Bowyer: "We've got special mirrors that show objects the size that they actually are."
11. Kevin Harvick: "Sometimes back in the garages there's horseplay with the airhose."
10. Jeff Burton: "Between the G-forces and the fumes, I'm loopy most of the season."
9. Kyle Busch: "Switch the 'R' and the 'C' in 'Racing' and you get 'Caring.'"
8. Matt Kenseth: "Can hold 8 gigs of music on my new iHelmet."
7. Martin Truex, Jr.: "In a pinch, checkered flags make a lovely tablecloth."
6. Denny Hamlin: "Two more wins and I get to marry Ashley Judd."
5. Kurt Busch: "You can talk to your car and pretend you're David Hasselhoff."
4. Carl Edwards: "How many people can say their "office" goes 200 miles per hour."
3. Tony Stewart: "Driving fast and starting fights."
2. Jeff Gordon: "It's not one of those sports you have to inject stuff in your ass to be good."
1. Jimmie Johnson: "Unlike most guys, I like it when my wife says, 'You're too fast.'"


You know, number 1 and number 9 are repeats from last year. I'm guessing either Letterman ran out of creativity or he wasn't told about the 12 early enough and just went with what worked.

I quite loved Kevin's line, especially with the evil smirk; Truex's for the fact he got called Martha Stewart; Denny's for the fact that it's extremely timely; Kurt's for the fact that he mentions Knight Rider (in a round about way); and Gordon's for the fact that this is why our sport owns stick and ball sports at times.

***

Interview with Kenseth in USA Today

I really wish YouTube had been around at the time, because I never got to see the fashion show with NASCAR drivers. Just the idea of Kenseth in a beanie is hysterical.
maveness: (NASCAR - Ellyut/Jamie)
( Jan. 20th, 2007 10:54 am)
Petty Possibly To Announcing

From Jayski:

Petty to TNT? to run less races: hearing that Kyle Petty, driver of the #45 Petty Racing Dodge, will be part of the TNT broadcast crew that airs six Nextel Cup races in June and July of 2007 and that Petty would not drive in some or all those six races, being replaced by another driver, no idea who that driver may be. Bill Weber will return as TNT's play-by-play announcer and Wally Dallenbach returns as a race analyst.(1-20-2007)

I like Kyle as an announcer. He's solid and doesn't try to editorialize too much. And he keeps his opinions of the drivers to himself. I vote yes!

***

Sadler and Hamlin slim down

#11-Denny Hamlin and #19-Elliott Sadler both have new looks for the upcoming NASCAR Nextel Cup season, but it has nothing to do with paint schemes. Hamlin hired a physical trainer in the offseason, and Sadler is hoping to lose weight and return to the size he was in his rookie season. Hamlin, who sported a slight bulge in the midsection of his racing uniform last year, said he already notices a difference. "I feel better than I have ever in just the short amount of time I've been doing it," Hamlin said of his workouts. "To me, it's more about working on those last 100 laps of the race when you need to dig down and get the most out of yourself. I felt like I was kind of slack on it last year." Sadler said he weighed 211 pounds in 1999 and had not been below that until now. Sadler weighs 210 pounds. He says he's lost 10 pounds since last year's season finale at Homestead and wants to lose another 10 pounds before this season begins. "I just want to be prepared mentally and physically the best I can to make sure I pull my weight," Sadler said. He says he is not on a particular workout program other than watching what he eats. "I can eat as much as anybody I think that you've ever met in your life," said the 31-year-old, who finished fourth in last year's Daytona 500. "I ordered two or three Big Macs at a time. I'd eat two or three steaks at a time when I go to a steakhouse."(Roanoke Times)(1-20-2007)

Dear writer at the Roanoke Times - OH DEAR LORD. Please work on your imagery. Cause making Hamlin dirty is wrong.

Also, Elliott needs to work on the whole eating right ALL YEAR LONG. Kinda doesn't work to just go about losing weight in the off season.

***

Meme ganked from [livejournal.com profile] tourofduty:

First, write down the names of 12 characters. Then read and answer the questions. You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use.

Done for NASCAR as Supernatural doesn't have enough characters.

1. Ryan Newman
2. Bootie Barker
3. Lars (Kenseth's cat - HE COUNTS)
4. Kasey Kahne
5. Brian Vickers
6. Jamie McMurray
7. Kevin Harvick
8. Elliott Sadler
9. Tony Stewart
10. Greg Biffle
11. Matt Kenseth
12. Casey Mears

MEME )
maveness: (NASCAR - JM - Oral)
( Sep. 22nd, 2006 12:59 pm)
NASCAR Picspam

Yet another, in another attempt to get images off my computer. Dang I have a lot!

Miscellaneous pictures that amuse me )
maveness: (NASCAR - Inside Joke Ellyut)
( Sep. 18th, 2006 10:59 am)
NASCAR Picspam

This was going to be entirely different as a picspam goes, but it somehow became the Biffle/Junior/Harvick show. *headdesk* I blame pie.

Biffle looking all cute and hot and I LOVE HIM SO )

Junior!!!!!!!!!! )

Harvick, Hamlin, PIE, and the best Harvick evil face EVER )
maveness: (Thora - Barbed)
( Sep. 15th, 2006 09:01 am)
NASCAR Pie Fight

World Record Attempt

EvilKenseth is going to be in the Guiness Book of World Records. That is AWESOME. What cracks me up is, the world record for thrown pies hitting someone (was it in the face?) in a minute was 15. Kyle Busch got nowhere NEAR the record (he managed 5 - but he had Regis). Jimmie got 14. Kevin got 15. Denny got 16. EvilKenseth got 17. Go EvilKenseth! (It's easy when you're aiming at Kelly, though.)
maveness: (Stargate - Plane Go Vroom)
( Sep. 14th, 2006 01:34 pm)
NASCAR

That Top Ten from last night? Could the guys have dressed any more alike? Junior and Kasey both had the black blazer/button down shirt going on (with stripes on the shirt - I think Junior's was a blue base and Kasey's had a white base). Denny, Kevin and Jimmie were all going for the black blazer/white button down shirt (with Jimmie being the only one without an undershirt). The fact that Jimmie and Kevin were standing side by side made it REALLY obvious.

And I may have gotten too much pleasure out of all of that.

*g*

Plus Jimmie's little eyebrow lift at the end of his portion.

Plus Junior laughing his ass off the entire time.

Plus Denny being frickin nervous until he was done.

Plus Jeff Burton's line reading.

Plus Mark Martin's line reading.

Plus everything about Kenseth.

***

Project Runway

Let it be known, I am dressed strangely like Laura today. *is suspicious* Down to having PMS with water retention so bad that I look like I'm three months pregnant.

(Black turtle neck - for it was cold this morning. Black satin skirt with silver embroidery at the bottom. Black Mary Jane heels.)

***

Hair

I'm feeling the need to do drastic things to my hair. Like a haircut. And color. Drastic on both. *ponders*
maveness: (NASCAR - Grab)
( Sep. 12th, 2006 01:48 pm)
Work is trying to eat my brain with tons of busyness. For that reason, I have to take a break and bring you mini-NASCAR picspam.

Kevin lounging in the bed of a truck )

The Chasers Group Photo - THEY LOVE ME )
.

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