maveness: (Default)
( Mar. 9th, 2010 03:23 pm)
Oscars

I have reached a very important milestone with regards to the Oscars - I no longer care who was most deserving (although I will root against things I see as least deserving, i.e. Gwyneth Paltrow or rip offs of Fern Gully). I just want people to win that will give speeches that entertain me.

Notables:

1. I was sad that Gabby Sidibe didn't win. Because let's face it, her speech would have been epically awesome. There would have been tears. And giggling. And possibly, had Gerard Butler been giving the award, making out.

2. The guy who won for one of the screenplays was just so darling. By far my favorite speech of the night, because you could tell he was overcome with genuine emotion, not something scripted. (Although I did love Steve Martin's jab of "I wrote that for him" afterwards.)

3. I don't care what folks' opinions are of him...one of the best presenters of the night was Tyler Perry. I'm sorry, but if you're a freaking actor, there's no excuse for a bland, boring, dry, robotic presentation. Perry was having a blast and his timing was perfect.

4. What the heck was up with Tom Hanks just announcing who won best picture with no rundown (again) of who the nominees were? It was sudden and jarring and I think partially responsible for the fact that Kathryn Bigelow looked like she was going to throw up/pass out. Hell, I don't know how she made it back out on stage.

NASCAR

Apparently hell is freezing over, and the result is that, 9 years after his death, I'm becoming a fan of Dale Earnhardt Sr. (I accidentally typed that at first as Dale Earnhardt St. And laughed. Because to his fans, he was a freaking saint. An evil saint, but a saint nonetheless.)

And I blame the current crop of drivers who are either too politically correct or too self-centered while acting like their crap don't stink. But I really blame the drivers in this crop who pull the PC or self-centered deal when they've been driving for more than 10 years. Because let's face it, if you were around during Senior/Terry Labonte/Rusty Wallace's era of wrecking each other, then you've taken part in aggressive racing. So don't go telling guys coming into the sport that they're doing things wrong, because there is no right or wrong (well, there is wrong, but it's a lot harder to quantify than you'd think), there's only winning.

If everyone's thinking I'm sounding like a Keselowski apologista, well, here's the thing...I think I am. Wanna know why? Cause he owns that shit. And he doesn't get mad about owning that shit. He just does. And you know what? That's refreshing.

I don't mind the feuding (when there's reason for it, not just ire at a driver's fanbase*). I would love to see some of the guys get in fist fights again (except please everyone stay away from Matt, because I just don't see him being the knock down drag out kind). The key is, own your shit.

Examples of Owning Your Shit:

1. Carl Edwards v. Kyle Busch at Bristol a couple years ago. That was a racing fight (they both wanted the win, Carl booted Kyle out of the way for the win, Kyle took out his ire on the track away from competitors, Carl retaliated, they both acknowledged their actions post-race and owned that shit without apologizing). It was awesome. It was great. Kyle didn't expect Carl to own his shit, but Carl did, so it was all even and awesome.

2. Robby Gordon and everyone he's ever been mad at. Nuff said.

3. Juan Pablo Montoya pretty much all the time. He says it like it is, and you'll know if he's mad at you. Plus you'll know if he's really mad at you, because he'll take it out on you on the track. But he owns that shit.

4. Kyle Busch pretty much any time that doesn't include Junior. He drove like a bat out of hell and didn't apologize for it. (There hasn't been as much bat action in the last year and a few races. Not sure if it's due to maturity or bad cars, but the point is that it means less feuding if you're not being all bat out of hell anymore.)

5. Any driver that has ever been in a wreck, been mad about the wreck, then later in the race (or a few races later) lost the car just slightly and "accidentally" took out the other guy. And then batted their eyelashes innocently at the camera (with a sly smirk, or not if you're Junior, who just does the innocent routine, and yes, I use him as an example because he's my boy and plus he's perfected that form of retaliation) and left the reporter (and viewers) guessing as to whether it was intentional. Because that's owning that shit in a different way, but it's still owning the shit. The attitude is consistent throughout.

Examples of Not Owning Your Shit:

1. Carl Edwards v. Brad Keselowski this past Sunday. Yeah, I'm saying Carl didn't own his shit. Why? Because while you don't tip your hand to NASCAR brass (by saying "next time I'm near him, I'm going to totally wreck his ass"), you also don't sit there and be all pleasant and forgiving and then go and punt someone in a very obvious manner and be mad at them. You act pissed as hell from the get go (again, without tipping your hand - see Junior for how to execute this maneuver if you're a "nice guy" or Tony Stewart for tips if you're a "bad boy"). Carl did with Brad what Kyle thought he'd do back at Bristol - at one point in the feud he played innocent. But he didn't play innocent at the right point. He was too politically correct at the point when people would have understood him being mad. And then his anger after the wreck painted him in a bad light because Keselowski's car went airborne. I know it sounds like I'm being harsh on Carl here, and I do agree with his sentiment that taking it to Bristol would have been a bad idea, but here's the thing. Carl is the poster boy for public relations in NASCAR. Some would say Jimmie is, but he's too bland. Carl has the perfect image (the back flip is part of that image) and he was from the beginning very adept at working the media and that image. It took awhile for the veneer to crack for us to see that under the surface there's an edge. At the time he came into NASCAR, his image worked perfectly. Knowing what we know about him now, though, plus NASCAR allowing personality back into the sport, he needs to just own that he's a nice guy who gets pushed too far at times. I understand that, because I'm a nice person who can go from nice to infuriated-Tony-Stewart-on-roids in a heartbeat if the right buttons are pushed. Carl can own his shit if he acknowledges both sides of himself. And when you own your shit (which is individual), there is peace in the force.

2. Rusty Wallace versus everyone. Rusty didn't own his shit, he just whined because he felt he was entitled.

* Ire at a driver's fanbase is a direct jab at Kyle Busch. Cause he owned his shit except when he was getting into it with Junior. That was the fatal flaw to his earlier years in Cup. Because he owned his bad boy status for awhile, but when he got mad at Junior's fanbase (and I understand why, being a member of said fanbase, which makes me feel like beating someone over the head with a bat some days), it became a weird feud that didn't make any sense. Plus that whole feud still pisses me off because at the time I'd gotten past my Kyle Busch issues and was starting to root for him because he didn't apologize for who he was. And then he went and did something hair brained. And yes, I consider it hair brained to take on Junior Nation because every driver has a crazy portion to their fanbase. It's just that Junior's fanbase is way larger than anyone else's.

Something else I've decided: if Dale Sr. were alive today, Kyle Busch and Junior would be teammates. Also, Dale Sr. would have hired Keselowski at some point. Senior would have counseled Kyle on owning his shit early on.

Wrecking Competitors/Retaliation: The Rules

Now, the other part of Sunday's issues: retaliation. How to do it and when. This is keeping in mind that I think Brad was racing too hard too early in the race (because you can race hard and be ruthless and own your shit, but it does no good if you don't get to the finish line). And no, I don't think he lifted like he claimed. So this isn't about me being a Keselowski apologista. LOL

1. There are certain tracks you don't wreck anyone at intentionally, unless it's under caution: Daytona, Talladega and Atlanta. (Remind me if there are any other tracks that run as fast as those three. My brain is fried from night shifts.) As SOON as Carl wrecked Brad and Brad went airborne, I was yelling (in a whisper, as my grandmother was asleep) at the TV that you don't do that shit at Atlanta because the speeds are too high and high speeds plus this wing mean the car goes airborne too often. Yeah, Carl didn't know it would go airborne. Nor did he know that it would hit the wall at exactly the wrong spot so that the driver side of the car was crushed. But I do think that common sense should make it kind of obvious that the higher the speeds, the more likely the cars will get in really bad crashes. And really bad crashes can hurt people. M'kay?

2. You also don't retaliate on the track if you could potentially take out other drivers. Carl retaliated when it was just him and Brad right there, which is good. And he's right, at Bristol would be bad (but mostly because everyone would be really pissed and Carl would be a pinball in the machine for a few weeks *g*). So would Martinsville. Unless it was like Kyle and Carl did a few years ago at Bristol, which was retaliation on the track without endangering anyone else. Shall I repeat that one was awesome?

3. Never retaliate with the car while on pit road. Endangering pit crew members is a major no no.

4. Fist fights are always way more awesome than wrecking, though. Need more fist fights! (Note: this kind of retaliation can happen on pit road, but it should be noted that this puts one in proximity with officials (who cut down on our fun) and pit crew members (who have considerable more muscle than all the drivers). So if you want to really retaliate with a fist fight, we the fans would appreciate it if you'd do so in the grass after a wreck where we can see you and where it can't be broken up very quickly. M'kay?)

There'd be a fifth, but I think it's something that's just my personal preference (aka, possibly not a logical unspoken rule, even though it makes sense to me). This would be - don't wait to retaliate until the end of the race. This is different from two guys wrecking each other for the win - they're both in the same position. I'm talking about waiting until three laps to go. Carl was 154 laps down. It's entirely possible that once he got back on track, that was the first time he was near Brad and other cars weren't. (It's not like FOX ever showed much about the surrounding cars who weren't lead lap at that point. Yes, that irked me. Because regardless of what Carl says, they should have been anticipating retaliation. Bad FOX!) But three laps to go just feels like bad form, especially when it's clear that driver is very competitive that day. Yeah, they took you out and made you not competitive, but that's why you save it for another race - make sure the most perfect opportunity arises when you won't take out other drivers, where it's not too dangerous, and where you're not destroying a whole team's hard work that was paying off. See why I didn't give it a number there? Too much thought has to go into that. LOL
maveness: (Default)
( Dec. 2nd, 2009 07:21 pm)
NASCAR Roast of Jimmie Johnson

I'm putting these here so I don't forget them EVER. That and they make plot bunnies go wild.

From Jeff Gluck's Twitter

Jimmie Johnson

Jimmie: "I know I've been pissing all you off the last four years, but I've never really been good at anything before."

The host just walked in and gave Jimmie a book: " #NASCAR for Dummies."

Jeff Gordon

Gordon, who has been target of gay jokes, tells Carl that getting married and having a kid is "a great cover." Pretty hilarious!

Jeff Gordon says he has a lot of JJ stories he can't tell b/c he's in a lot of them himself. JJ says, "These were all pre-marriage!"

Mark Martin

Mark Martin says he heard JJ was so ugly as a kid, he had to trick-or-treat by telephone.

Mark Martin gets to microphone and fan yells "Stand up!" Martin says, "I AM standing up."

Host says to Mark Martin, "I don't want to say you're too old to drive, but the pole-sitter of your first race was Ben Hur."

Greg Biffle

Biffle: "I'm not going to say a f@+#** thing about Jimmie because I'm sick and tired of hearing his name."

Host says Greg Biffle is "Al Gore minus the charisma." (Side note: Maveness will kick the butt of anyone who thinks Greg is without personality. He's dry! Dry I tell you! And he is LOVE.)

Denny Hamlin

Denny on JJ: "It's really hard to win the championship w/ the best team, the best crew chief and no mech. failures in 4 f@+#* years"

Denny on JJ: "The only thing faster than him is his receding hairline."

Kurt Busch

Kurt Busch says to Jimmie, "I go to Baskin Robbins and I look at vanilla and it says 'Jimmie Johnson' on it."

Carl Edwards

Carl says he's been out w/JJ a lot and knows he's not gay, "because he's only hit on me twice." Laughter erupts.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Host calls Dale Jr "the Paris Hilton of #NASCAR." Crowd hisses. And says Carl is the love child of Gov. Arnold and John Elway.

Brian Vickers

Vickers tells EVERYONE about Jimmie using Propecia and says he'd be bald otherwise! JJ is embarrassed.

Host to Vickers: "Red Bull gives you wings. It'd be nice if they gave you an engine too, huh?"

Juan Pablo Montoya

Juan Pablo Montoya to JJ: "I'm f*#@+@ tired of hearing 'Jimmie...Jimmie...Jimmie.' Give us a f+@#* break."

Ryan Newman

Ryan Newman to Jimmie: "Four in a row. Bet you wish you could do that with your wife, huh?"

Kasey Kahne

Host asks where Kasey Kahne is and says, "I didn't see you behind the grown-ups."
maveness: (Stewart - Fries)
( Nov. 10th, 2009 09:13 am)
Landa sent me this, and I'd be remiss if I didn't share with my fellow NASCAR folks.

However, disclaimer, my thought upon seeing it was...

Carl Edwards, put your freaking clothes back on already, damnit! I really don't wanna see you nekkid! )
maveness: (Stewart - Fries)
( Oct. 30th, 2009 07:25 pm)
Trackside

We have official confirmation: The Sadlers are having a boy.

(My disappointment is profound. I wanted them to have a girl so Uncle Jamie could do her hair. Yes, I'm just that evil.)

This was announced as Carl Edwards was on the show and the hosts were giving Carl and Elliott baby gifts. (Kudos for it being books!) Carl's little girl is due just before Elliott's little boy. Carl's immediate response upon hearing that Elliott was having a boy? That Elliott better keep his little boy away from Carl's little girl. LOL
maveness: (Default)
( Oct. 19th, 2009 09:50 am)
I'm quickly coming to love Sports Soup. The following exchange took place between the host and Carl Edwards.

Host: So, you're a race car driver, and your wife's a doctor.

Carl: Yes.

Host: Isn't that the plot of Days of Thunder?

The entire interview was concluded with Carl laughing and asking "This isn't actually going to air on television, is it?"
maveness: (Stewart - Fries)
( Sep. 17th, 2009 10:42 pm)
Funniest thing to come out of Speed Weeks in New York:

Shock Absorbers

Newman, Edwards and Kahne getting the crap shocked out of them. Newman's reaction is the best. He tried to man up. I may have watched this a few ten times, with lots of pausing and rampant guffawing.
maveness: (Labonte - What?)
( Sep. 3rd, 2009 10:52 pm)
Carl Edwards broke his foot playing Frisbee.

So, better or worse (depending on perspective) than Jimmie's golf cart accident? Discuss.
maveness: (Salute)
( Feb. 7th, 2009 10:57 pm)
NASCAR Items of Note

1. Dear DW or whoever: thanks for giving me all the porn tonight. Especially fun was Squirting Harvick. Don't know how you managed that one, but damn.

2. Jamie!

3. Wreck number one taking out all the rookies and Robby Gordon is kind of funny.

4. Sadly, no reports that Tony ended up in the 20 pit while on the radio asking Zippy why he's being so quiet.

5. I missed NASCAR. I missed the nonsensical ramblings of the crew. I missed the sound of the cars. I missed "Boogity boogity boogity". It's downright giddymaking to have it all back.

6. Proving I might be weirder than Scott Speed, when Kenseth, Edwards and McMurray were all in line (second through fourth), I said something about the Three Muskateers, Bubbles said something about "who's the defrocked priest" and it was on. For the record, if you're going to take the Roushkateers and turn them into muskateers, Jamie is quite obviously D'Artagnan (come on, he screams Chris O'Donnell) and if anyone's a defrocked priest, it's Edwards. Still haven't figured out if Kenseth is Keifer Sutherland or Oliver Platt, though.

7. There are no excuses for commercials that talk about Kasey Kahne dominating.
maveness: (Smells Bad)
( Oct. 9th, 2008 05:19 pm)
Things that make staying late way more entertaining

There was a fight in the garage at Lowe's between Harvick and Edwards. *squees* Drama before a race I'm going to! Score!

Details are still sketchy, but apparently there was a note left for Kevin by Carl that apparently caused some of the friction. There was a heated discussion. Kevin tried to walk away and Carl grabbed his arm, so Kevin pushed him, putting a Carl sized dent in his Nationwide car, then they started after each other, people jumped in, and one of Kevin's guys had Carl in a headlock.

I WANT FOOTAGE OF THIS, MKAY? Headlock? Carl? Hello!

ETA: The Charlotte Observer has a photo of the note. Just, sadly, not posted online. But they very kindly let us know what it said!

"Kevin, Thanks for (expletive) me on TV - I was really trying to screw up everyone's day. Love, Carl."
maveness: (NASCAR - Bite This)
( Aug. 24th, 2008 09:58 am)
OMG Tony Stewart Get Out NOW

Tony - get out of Gibbs now, because they're officially my most hated team in NASCAR, and while it's Zippy's choice to stay there, you're too smart of a man to stick with idiots.

Carl Edwards was stopped by J.D. Gibbs post-race and J.D. got in Carl's face and said "You reap what you sow."

"You reap what you sow."

Bitch, don't EVEN go quoting the Bible to justify the fact your driver is an ass, he can't take what he dishes out, and that your organization clearly prides itself on some moral high ground that doesn't exist. That's not Christian. That's just stupid.

Good god. At least Kyle has the excuse of being a spoiled brat. He's 23 and his parents raised him to believe he's god's gift! At least he has an excuse. JD has no excuse except blatant arrogance and blind stupidity.

Which means right now I'm really, really hoping Kyle tanks in the Chase.
maveness: (NASCAR - Embrace the Bicep)
( Aug. 23rd, 2008 11:56 pm)
Dear Carl Edwards

WE LOVE YOU JUST THAT MUCH.

I don't like Carl. I'm very suspicious of him (plus there's that time he blamed Hermie for having no brakes). But not liking him doesn't change the fact that I really, really am having issues with Kyle Busch's entitlement issues. Because a "bump and run" hasn't ever ever been employed as a legitimate racing maneuver ever. And hasn't been used this year. By Kyle Busch. Uh huh.

So Kyle, when you pick a fight with someone bigger and badder for doing something you've already done, you best be able to finish it. And you couldn't. Wuss.

Hee.

(Carl has a temper when provoked. He's just very PR perfect. The kind of guy that has a burst of temper, reigns it in and then acts all "gee shucks" and polite. The Kenseth thing blew his cover wide open last year, but it doesn't mean that I don't celebrate when it's justified. Cause that was justified as hell. Hell, the funny parts of Days of Thunder! In real life!)
maveness: (SPN - Scared and Wet)
( Aug. 23rd, 2008 11:18 pm)
Quote of the Day

"Kyle's not going to give him (Carl) a lot downstairs."


TELL ME HOW THAT IS NOT DIRTY.

Because I don't like the mental images right now.
maveness: (NASCAR - To The Left)
( Jun. 9th, 2008 11:19 am)






ETA: I swear, those pictures were smaller on my computer. Resizing!

Also, tis possible to sleep too much. I slept too much this past week, apparently. Which led to being up at 3:30 this morning. (And also led to me putting a quote on our quote board this morning. The quote? "Beep Beep" - Road Runner to Wile E Coyote.)

ETA2: Oh, and this morning I channeled my inner NASCAR driver. I'm Jeff Gordon, folks. Because the road jumped up and bit me. That's right. I ran over a giant chunk of concrete cause the road decided to make me its bitch.
maveness: (Default)
( Mar. 3rd, 2008 11:17 am)
Brian Vickers

Go ahead and challenge him. Brian Vickers knows the question is coming when he talks about the environment, so ask away. How can someone who races cars claim to be environmentally friendly? "Does that mean I should not do anything because I drive a race car on Sunday?" Vickers said. "That sounds pretty stupid. That's not going to get us an answer. "The way I see it is, yeah, I burn a little extra gasoline racing on Sunday, but... it gives me a platform to speak about these things to inform people about the problems going on." Ask drivers about a controversial topic and many will decline to answer, fearing they'll offend sponsors or fans... or both. Vickers doesn't hide when it comes to global warming. He admits that many argue global warming and climate change are not something to worry about. He does. It's why he drives a hybrid car, donates to environmental causes and is looking to install solar panels to his house. Vickers knows some say Al Gore's environmental film, "An Inconvenient Truth," features exaggerations about climate change. Vickers doesn't care. "He got the point across," Vickers said. "He got the masses around the country and around the world motivated to do something." Some people back corn-grain ethanol as an alternative fuel. Vickers rolls his eyes. "Whoever thought that taking land to grow food to produce energy was a good idea didn't really think that one out too well," he said. "Energy is important, but if you die because you can't eat, I don't think driving somewhere is going to do you much good." -- Virginian-Pilot

*loves some Brian*

***

AJ Allmendinger

Team Red Bull is possibly going to pull AJ from the car "for a few races" so they can evaluate what's going wrong. Argh! No! Not my AJ!

***

Carl Edwards

Carl failed post-race inspection. Iiiiinteresting.

More interesting - during the All Star race his car will feature a marriage proposal. It's some thing that Harlequin is doing with Office Depot. (And no, Carl isn't the one proposing.)
maveness: (NASCAR - Team Red Bull)
( Oct. 22nd, 2007 10:10 am)
Team Red Bull

I think it's official. Team Red Bull hires the most awesomely hysterical people. (And the most squishable. Brian isn't so much hilarious as "OMG cute and brainy and freckly".)

Scott Speed and another F1 development driver singing "Milk and Cereal"

They're just lip syncing to the song, but still. How awesomely hilarious!

(Wait, Scott is the one in the glasses? Really? Hello nurse! That hits one of my kinks. I think that team hits every one except one!)

***

Edwards v. Kenseth: The Fight

Anybody else watch this and want to protect Kenseth?

Cause we all know Carl mad isn't a good thing, but damn!
NASCAR

"I know it probably won't happen, but it would be nice if Jimmie and Jeff quit sharing notes, started to hate each other and wrecked each other on the racetrack," fifth-place Chase driver Carl Edwards said. "It would really help the rest of us out." -- Miami Herald

Carl, dude...you're priceless.

***

Ugly Betty Icon

One of Willy's quotes from last night stuck with me, so I had to make icons. (Naturally I saved my favorite one for myself. *g* Feel free to grab, because I'm proud of my lame ass work on these. I have no skills but these turned out better than I expected.)


maveness: (NASCAR - Petty)
( Sep. 23rd, 2007 04:15 pm)
I LOVE KYLE PETTY!!!!!!!

(Cause plenty of guys have been hurt and sick and in Chase situations - hello Junior, hello Tony and the need for the firesuit change - and have done well in the race and have avoided hitting other guys. Okay, so that's more of a rant at the announcers because we don't know what Denny had to say yet, although the whole climbing out of the car to kick Kyle's ass loses MANY popularity points, because Kyle doesn't confront unless it's really, really a serious issue. *breathes*)

I love Kyle and would totally post the link to the Kyle lecturing Carl picture, but I can't find it. Because he's one of those guys that only gets pissed when he knows that he did everything right and someone screwed him over. And really, there's nothing more awesome than seeing a driver get stupid and take out Kyle, because they fail to remember that Junior has fans but Kyle Petty has the love of more people.

(And if you don't know, Carl thought Kyle had wrecked him on purpose one time and purposefully dumped Kyle in response. Carl didn't realize it had been an accident. Post race Carl got lectured by Kyle and it was beautiful because Carl almost cried and was really apologetic.)
.

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